Saving Merlin From Himself
by fanficxo
Summary: Merlin's a city boy who moves to a small town. He's broken, drinks, smokes, self harms and starves. Then Arthur comes along. MERTHUR, SLASH, HIGHSCHOOL AU AND VERY STRONG LANGUAGE. (Formerly titled as 'Breaking Free')
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER; I DO NOT OWN MERLIN

* * *

Merlin got out the car to inspect his new house. He had just moved house with his mum, Huith, to the north of Scotland. There was twenty seven houses in the village all together, and their house was at the end of the street. He dragged his suitcase out of the back of the car and walked up to the front door. This place was going to be hell. Completely out the way of everything, no Wi-Fi, three shops (one was a clothes shop, one was a butchers and the other was a small shop which sold everything else with a mini cafe inside), one school with fifty people attending all together and only eight people in his year, and nobody to sell him some weed or vodka (thank god he had some stashed in his bag) . He needed it as well, to make it through the first two weeks of staying here. He and his Mum had moved here from London, because he'd got into trouble with a gang and the police for stealing and being caught with drugs. Merlin's Mum was a recovering alcoholic, and staying in London meant it was hard for her to stay sober, with all the cheap booze and her friends drinking. So his Mum wanted a new start. Away from everything, she had said, but he hadn't taken it literally at the time. Before he knew where they were moving to, she had already bought the house. No going back now.

'Are you sure you'll be ok? I will be back in two weeks, and I've already been shopping, so there's loads of food in the fridge and cupboards, also there's five hundred pound in the top of your wardrobe in your bedroom, if you run out of anything, and I've asked Mr Smith down the road to look after you if you get into any trouble, which knowing you, you probably will-'

'Mum, I will be fine, seriously chill, see you in two weeks?' Merlin cut off his Mum, knowing she could rant on for hours. His Mum had to go back to London for two weeks to sort out the flat and finish her job contract, as a manager at a strip club.

'Yes, and make sure you go to school! I've contacted the head teacher, the school bus will pick you up at half eight outside your house, so there will be no chance of bunking off. But if you are sick, contact the school by this number-'

'Mum, I know what to do, you told me remember?'

'Yes, look I've got to go, will miss the train, see you in two weeks'

'Bye Mum, see you soon'

Huith handed him the keys to the house and ran down the path to the car, and drove off. He needed a drink. Merlin opened the door. It was a small house, but had a huge back garden. He'd never had a garden before, he'd lived in a council flat in London. On the ground floor, there was a small kitchen (he checked the cupboards; they really were filled with food) at the back of the house, quite a large living room (with a reasonably sized t.v.) and medium dining room, a small bathroom (with a toliet, sink and a broken mirror) and a utility, which was half filled with food and half filled with booze. Wow, his Mum really took recovering seriously.

On the first floor, there was another larger bathroom, which included a bath and shower, and a couple of cupboards. There was three rooms, Merlin's room to be closest to the bathroom, because that was the second biggest room. The biggest one was for his Mum. His room had a single bed, already made with plain white covers, and a wardrobe. It took him half an hour to unpack, in which time in also found a place to hide his weed and vodka (under a loose floorboard) and finished off half a bottle of vodka, which was making it hard to walk. Rolling up a joint and grabbing his black leather coat and lighter, he got ready to go for a walk, to suss out this tiny village his Mum had just dumped him in. He looked at himself in the broken mirror in the downstairs bathroom. Black skinny jeans, black converse, a mainly black Nirvana band printed tee shirt, black leather coat and two big leather bracelets on each wrist. He hated the bracelets, but he had to wear them to cover the cuts and scars. He self harmed. Wouldn't know what he'd do if his Mum found out. He'd started when he was thirteen. He was now sixteen. Damn he wanted to stop. It's just, it was harder than he originally thought. He looked at his body. Another flaw in his personality. He had anorexia, with 'bulimic tendencies'. He had been recovering on his own well. Except with the stress of moving, he guessed he had just forgotten to eat. Merlin couldn't bare to look at himself any longer, so he rushed out the house. Forgetting to lock the door on the way out.

He had barely been walking a minute when he came to what seemed to be the main part of the village, which was the three shops. Right then, it hit him to how secluded this place was, and quite frankly, he didn't like it. Merlin decided he didn't need to depress himself anymore, and went and sat on an old bench, on the outskirts of this tiny village, and lit up his joint.

He was a good halfway through it, and well on his way to getting completely stoned, when a boy, about his age, sat himself next to him. He was about his height, muscular, blonde hair, and most importantly, bloody gorgeous. He was wearing white converse, short sleeved printed tee shirt, and denim jeans. Merlin kept a neutral look on his face as he looked at him. This guy knew he was good looking, by the way he had walked over here, and Merlin didn't want to add fuel to his fire.

'Haven't seen you around here before'  
He said in such a knowing tone. In those seconds, Merlin judged him.

He was the cocky popular one, the one who dated every girl, the one who would make his life a living hell if he found out he was gay. Merlin remembered what his Mum would say.

'Don't judge a book by its cover'

Merlin took a deep intake from his joint, and let it slowly out. God, he was high. He doubted he would be able to get up. But he was determined to make a good impression.

'Just moved up here, like literally an hour ago' Merlin said, but he couldn't help slurring his words, he knew he sounded high.

'Should you be smoking that?' The blonde prat said, like he cared.

'Look, I don't know your name, or anything about you, and you don't know anything about me, but you come here, and start asking me all these questions?'  
Merlin said, he tone getting increasingly annoyed. He couldn't focus on the guy anymore.

'I've asked you one question' He said, matter-of-factly, not fazed by Merlin getting annoyed at him.

'One too many' Merlin answered, and went to get up and walk home. Only he swayed on his feet, and was about to fall flat on his face, but the blonde prat caught him. When did he stand up?

'You are stoned. Let me take you home, I doubt you can walk by your self' Merlin struggled out of his embrace.

'You don't know where I live though'

'Of course I do. You live at the end of that road down there. Your name is Merlin. You just moved here from London. Your Mum is away for two weeks. And apparently you're a genius'

Right yeah, he got bullied at school because he was a straight A* student without even trying. Wasn't his fault everyone else was just stupid.

'How do you know all that?'

'In this village, everybody knows everything about everyone. When something happens here, everyone knows about it. We are like one big family'

Merlin digested that information before answering him. Living here with privacy was going to be harder than he thought.

'What's your name?'

'Arthur. Arthur Pendragon'

'Ok Aaaarthur. You can leave me be. I can make it back to my house alone thank you very much' Merlin slurred.

But this was contradicted as he fell over straight back into Arthur's arms.

'Come on. I'll walk you home'


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER; I DO NOT OWN MERLIN

* * *

Arthur ended up half walking, half carrying Merlin home. Thankfully nobody saw them. Merlin passed out a couple of steps from the front door of his house. Arthur carried Merlin into his house (the door had been left open, thank god) and placed him on the sofa.

Merlin woke up a few minutes later. Looking around, he had that familiar feeling of not knowing where he was, and then Arthur came in with two cups of coffee in one hand and a plate of toast in another. Great. First impressions were never his strong point. Arthur set down the coffee and toast on the floor next to the sofa he was on, and sat in the chair opposite.

Arthur started the conversation.

'I don't think I've ever seen so much food in one kitchen-'

Merlin cut in. No point beating around the bush.

'Look, I don't know why you're helping me. You have only known me for a few minutes, and lets face it, my first impression hasn't been great, I think you should go and pretend this never happened, you don't want to get involved with me. I am nothing but trouble. Shut the door on the way out please' Merlin said with an underlying tone of self loath. There was a pause before Arthur answered.

'You know, I've never met anybody so messed up' Wow, he really was a prat.

'Well, thanks. You can go now. Go on, go and tell the "family" how much of a screw up the new kid is!' But Arthur just carried on like he was never interrupted.

'Everybody here is so… clean cut. And you, you are so...-'

'Messed up?'

'No'

'But you just said…?'

'No,'

'You're not making any sense, you mean I'm not clean cut?' Merlin said sarcastically.

'Yes, I mean no, well… I don't know, there's just something about, I just can't put my finger on it'

'Are you in year eleven?' Merlin changed the subject.

'Yes' Oh well isn't that brilliant.

'Do you take the bus?'

'Everybody in year eleven takes the bus' Even better.

'Well, can you go, and like pretend we never met before. And I would appreciate if you never told anyone about… this'

'Why are you so eager for me to leave?'

Merlin didn't know how to answer that. There was a long pause before he answered. He was still a little drunk and high, so everything was still fuzzy. He didn't want to say something stupid. So he answered him with a question.

'Why are you so eager to stay?'

'Because right now you're a mess, and I think you need some company'

'I don't need company, I am alright by myself. I prefer my own company'

'Fine. I'll go when your asleep in bed'

'Excuse me? You are not my mother! Anyway you're gonna be waiting a long time because I've got insomnia'

'Well I can't leave you alone. God only knows what you'll get up to. You don't want to ruin your reputation on your first day'

Merlin stared at him in disbelief. How dare this cocky boy come storming into his life and telling him what to do. Merlin lost it. He blurted nearly everything out to this boy he'd barely know a few minutes. Merlin later realized that this is why you don't get drunk and stoned around random people.

'You know what? I don't give a shit about reputations. I don't care what people think about me. I really couldn't care less. I've been through enough shit in life to realize that people like you, have lived in a bubble all your life and have no idea about the real world. Do you wanna know why I drink, smoke, cut and starve? Because of my life. First to have your own father stabbed in front of you, and having to hold him while he dies in your arms? Traumatic. Really traumatic. Not only that but to be physically and verbally assaulted by every single one of your Mums boyfriends, whilst your Mum sits there, completely wasted, and watches. She did nothing to help me. I will never forgive her. Oh yeah, and when I came out as being gay! Oh the cheek, she actually chucked me out, but then begged me to come back when she was sober. The stuff she said to me. Horrible, I knew what she was really thinking. The truth comes out when you're drunk. I am so sick of people controlling my life, and then you come along, and start trying to tell me what to do! You know what? Just get out. I can't deal with this'

But it was Merlin stood up, and stormed off to his room, leaving Arthur shell shocked to his confession.

All this stress must of tired him out, because as soon as his head hit the pillow, he was fast asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER; I DO NOT OWN MERLIN

* * *

Merlin awoke to the smell of bacon. Opening his eyes, he checked the time on his phone. Ten thirty. His hangover wasn't that bad. Realizing he was still in yesterday's clothes, he changed into an oversized black short sleeved top, keeping on the bracelets, and another pair of skinny black jeans. He lifted the floorboard, and grabbed a packet of tobacco cigarettes and a lighter, and slipped them into his jeans pocket. He went into the bathroom and washed his face. Looking in the mirror, he tried to recall what happened yesterday.

Suddenly, everything came crashing back to him, and it physically made him sway. He'd told that hot blonde guy… Arthur! That was his name. Merlin realized what he had told him.

'Oh no, shit, shit, shit!' Merlin muttered angrily to himself.

Bet everyone knows now. How much of a screw up he is. He didn't even care. He was moving away from here as soon as he was eighteen. Two years.

Merlin mentally prepared himself for going downstairs. No prizes for guessing who was there waiting for him with a bacon sandwich.  
Merlin walked into the kitchen to find Arthur standing there waiting for him.  
Arthur looked him up and down with an unreadable expression on his face. His eyes lingered on his bracelets, but then he looked him straight in the eye.

'Good morning' Arthur said in a slow husky voice.  
Merlin mentally cursed himself for finding him hot. He still hated him though.

'Did you stay here all night?' Merlin said in a deep tired voice.

'Yes'

Silence. Merlin looked from Arthur's face, to the bacon sandwich on his plate, to the cup of coffee in his other hand, and back to Arthur's face.

'What day is it?' Merlin asked, as he actually didn't know.

'Sunday'

Another short and less awkward silence. Arthur broke it this time.

'I made you some breakfast'

Merlin looked at the bacon sandwich again, and then back to Arthur's face before answering.

'I don't want it thanks. You have it'

'Ive already had one'

'Well have another one'

'Im not hungry'

'Well nor am I'

Silence.

'You need to eat, you're wasting away' Arthur spoke slowly, as if Merlin was a bomb, and he was waiting for him to explode.

'I'll eat later, I'll have the coffee though' Merlin stepped forward and took the coffee out of his hand. His hand brushed against Arthur's. Before Arthur could say anything, Merlin was out the back door, and in the garden. The garden was big. It even had a mini woodland at the end of the garden, there was even an old rope swing. Merlin was sitting on an old bench, when Arthur came and joined him, bacon sandwich still in his hand.

'Here's a deal, you eat this sandwich, and on Monday, I will pretend I've never met you before'

Merlin watched him closely, to see any signs of lying. He looked truthful.

'Alright, deal, and you have got to forget about what I said last night, I was drunk, I wasn't meant to blurt it all out-'

'It is forgotten' Arthur said with a slight friendly smile. Which annoyed Merlin.

'You're a right prat you know' Merlin said whilst grabbing the sandwich out of his hand.

Arthur smirked. 'Yes I know'

Arthur watched Merlin eat in companionable silence. Merlin felt like a cheat knowing he was just going to throw it back up, but he couldn't bring himself to care. When he was done he looked at Arthur.

'Do you have somewhere to be?'

'No, its not like there is anything to do in this place'

'Oh, I see. I'm just like a new toy then'

'No'  
Another silence. There was a question that Merlin needed to ask Arthur.

'Erm, you know around here, do people care if I'm gay?'

'Oh, no, my mate Gwaine is bi sexual and nobody cares whatsoever'

'Thats lifted a great weight off my shoulders' Merlin said whilst leaning back on the bench, to he was able to get out his lighter and cigarettes. He was about to light up when Arthur grabbed it out of his hand.

'What the hell are you doing? Give it me back!'

'No, don't you care about what happens to your body?'

'No, as a matter of fact I don't give a toss!'

'Well you should, come on let's go inside and watch t.v.'

Merlin stared at him in disbelief. Then burst into hysterical laughter. Arthur looked so confused, which made it funnier.

'Whats so funny?'

Merlin wiped the tears that were streaming down his face. He was laughing so hard that he was crying.

'Its-it's just, I've never known of somebody to actually care about me'

'And you find this funny because…?' Arthur said with genuine concern on his face. That made it all so much more funnier.

'I don't know, I-I guess I'm not used to it, that's all'

Arthur looked at him for a moment, before grabbing both his wrists and pulling him up and onto his feet.

'Come on, lets go watch a movie or something' And Arthur took him inside.

It turns out that Arthur checked on Merlin whilst he was asleep, so he could nip back to his house and get a bag of spare clothes, movies and a toothbrush. He had slept on the sofa. They ended up putting on 'The Shining' and soon discovered they had the same movie taste. They didn't watch that much of it as they ended up chatting through out most of it.  
Merlin found out a lot about Arthur. His father, Uther, basically owned the village, as he owned most of the houses, and all the shops, funded the school and payed for the bus to take them to school. Uther was away most of the year on business trips, as he owned a very successful business which was based in New York, so he was away a lot and only came back for Christmas and Easter and sometimes in the summer holidays. His mother had died giving birth to him and his father had never moved on, so since he was fourteen he looked after himself, and his father sent him money every week to pay for everything. Arthur was into a lot of sports, mainly football and running. He was the one of the only ones who had ever left the village, to go on holidays, and the only other person was a girl called Morgana, who was his half sister. There was four boys and four girls in year eleven, Leon, Gwaine, Lancelot and himself. The girls were Morgana, Gwen, Sophia and Vivian. Apparently everyone was friends except nobody really liked Sophia and Vivian, but they were best friends and kept each other company. He liked the same music as Merlin (surprisingly) and was the only one in the village (expect for Merlin) who owned an iPhone. Everyone else just had plain simple phones.  
Merlin was so distracted, that he'd forgotten to throw up his bacon sandwich, until Arthur offered to make them lunch.

'Do you want something to eat, I can make something-'

'No it's fine, you should be going, I've got to sort out the house some more and get ready for school'

Arthur looked at him as if he were a puzzle to be solved.

'Ok, I'll go, see you tomorrow, and you can give me back to movie some other day' Arthur picked up his bag and left.  
Merlin shouted after him.

'Remember, we don't know each other!'

Merlin heard a faint 'Okay' as a reply.

Merlin woke up at half seven, which gave him an hour to get ready. Last night after Arthur left, he just smoked and watched movies. Even set up an Xbox which he found in a cupboard in the spare room upstairs. Now he wishes that he'd got ready for school. There was no uniform, but he didn't know what would be classed as acceptable or not. After he showered and shaved, he threw on a long sleeved black oversized jumper, black skinny jeans and his converse. He kept on his bracelets just in case his sleeves rode upwards. He couldn't risk anymore people knowing. He left off his eyeliner, he didn't want to seem even paler than he already was. Merlin decided to eat, as he didn't eat anything but a bacon sandwich yesterday, but only ended up having a biscuit. He promised himself he'd eat at school. He packed a sandwich and apple for school, knowing he wouldn't eat anything more than that. Before he knew it, it was half eight and the school bus was parked outside his house. It was a sort of mini bus, and because he lived at the end of the street, he was the last one on.  
When he got on, everybody stared at him. He only looked up once to see Arthur, and who he presumed were Leon, Gwaine and Lancelot were sat of the back. He could feel Arthurs stare burning a hole in his skull. He refused to make eye contact, it would just make it awkward. There were two seats left and one was next to Arthur, so he chose to sit next to this girl who looked about the same age as him. He slipped into that seat as discreetly as he could. There were about a minute into the journey when she spoke.

'You're the new kid, Merlin, aren't you?'

'Yes. And you are…?'

'Im Gwen, I'm in your year. I will introduce you to everyone in our year when we get to school, if you like. There's only eight of us, but Morgana's not here today, she's my best friend, she's not here today she's got a bad cold, I mean I told her not to go out without a coat on but she just wouldn't listen… sorry I'm rambling on-'

'No it's fine, I like to just listen, please, carry on' Merlin said with a forced smile on his face, he just really didn't feel like speaking today.

Gwen basically told him about her whole life by the time they'd got to school, and it was only a five minute trip (he guessed it would be a fifteen minute walk, tops). Gwen seemed really nice and friendly though, and she'd offered to take him under her wing until he got settled. It turned out that its her dad who's meant to be keeping an eye of him, but he'd been so busy with the shops (he runs the shop for Uther) that he hasn't had time to come and check on him. Merlin assured Gwen that he was settling in well, and made sure he doesn't come over. He couldn't be bothered to socialize. When they arrived in school, he was shocked at how small the place was. The school he attended before held two thousand five hundred people, so it was a bit of a shock to come to a school which held fifty.

Merlin purposely entered the room last, so that he wouldn't sit in somebody else's seat. The teacher spotted him straight away.

'Oh here he is everybody. Our new student, Merlin, now, I'm Mrs Druid, do you want to tell us about yourself?'

Well, he wasn't expecting that. So he quickly slipped into his old habits.

'No not really'

The whole class (even Arthur) giggled quietly. Obviously earning respect in this year isn't going to be hard.

His answer had shocked the teacher though, and she didn't know what to say.

'Okay, erm, w-well, go and sit down over there at the back' Mrs Druid waved her hand towards the back left of the class room.

Merlin made his way to the back of the classroom. On his row were Gwen, and an empty seat, who he guessed was Morgana's. He liked sitting at the back, he could see everybody. Mrs Druid took the register and taught double history for the first two periods. Merlin already knew all the syllabus, so he paid every little attention to what was going on, and spent most of his time looking out the window. The weather had taken a turn for the worse, and it was raining heavily. After history was a fifteen minute break. The teacher packed her things, and moved into another classroom. Before she left, she declared they must stay in the classroom because it was raining too much to go outside. As soon as the door closed behind her, everybody turned their attention to Merlin.

'So everybody, this is Merlin, as you know,' Gwen had broken the brief but uncomfortable silence, 'Merlin, let me introduce you to everyone' And so she took him round the class introducing him to everybody.

It was weird having to pretend that he didn't know Arthur, when Gwen introduced him. He nodded and shook his hand (as did everybody else) and quickly engaged in quick banter, which made everybody laugh. When he moved onto the next person Leon, Arthur's hand lingered on his, then slowly fell away, as he looked through his golden eyelashes. Merlin's heart beat quickened. Was that some sort of flirting? Was this a game he was playing? Well, whatever it was, Merlin wasn't going to back down first, and besides, he might as well have a bit of fun.

So, his break was spent learning everybody's name, and especially making friends with Gwaine, who was very friendly after he found out he was gay. Merlin was proud to say that he only looked at Arthur once after being introduced, and Arthur was looking directly at him, with an unreadable look on his face.

When Gaius came bustling in, everybody sat down in their places. He was the science teacher, he taught all sciences for years seven to eleven. He seemed like a mad scientist, with grey shoulder length hair and old fashioned crazy clothes. He quickly distributed Chemistry books and started the lesson. He immediately picked up on Merlin, but said nothing, sensing Merlin didn't want anymore attention.

'Turn to page three hundred and two, and read section one'

Merlin did as he was told, determined to make one good first impression. He read it, and realized, he already knew all of it, so went back to looking out the window daydreaming.

'Merlin, could you tell me what three alkali metals are less dense than water?'

He was trying to catch him out.

'Lithium, Sodium and Potassium' Merlin said half paying attention and kept looking out the window.

'Very good' Gaius said dangerously slow and raising his eyebrow dangerously high. Gaius assessed him for a second, before returning his attention to the rest of the class. He left him alone after that. Merlin spent the rest of the lesson watching the weather go from rainy to sunshine.


	4. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER; I DO NOT OWN MERLIN

* * *

By the time it was lunch, the weather had cleared up, and everybody went outside for lunch. Merlin was just leaving when Gaius asked him to stay behind.

'Ah, Merlin, could I just have a word?'

'Yeah, sure'

'Please, sit' Gaius gestured towards a seat at the front, Vivian's seat. Merlin slung his rucksack on the floor next to the chair and slumped down onto the seat.

'Now, I hear you are some what of a genius, am I right?'

'Well, it's a matter of opinion'

'Right. So I'm guessing you know all the syllabus for every subject'

'Well yeah, doesn't everyone?'

'No, they don't. Also 'everyone' doesn't get full marks on every subject test either. So, I'm giving you A-Level work'

'No, I don't want to move up a year'

'I wasn't proposing that. I'm proposing you do the work we set you here, but also some A-Level work to give you a challenge. We don't want you getting bored, looking out the window everyday, do we?'

'No, I guess not'

'I won't be able to get the work until next week, but until then, at least try to look like you're paying attention?'

'Yes sir'

'Go and enjoy your lunch break then'

'Ok, thanks sir' Merlin said whilst picking up his bag.

'See you after lunch'

'Bye'

Merlin walked outside to see all of year eleven sitting on a big table eating there lunch. The only seat left was next to Arthur, and he inwardly cringed.

'Merlin, over here!' Gwen shouted and waved here hand in Arthur's direction. Merlin forced a smile onto his face and sat in his seat without making a fool of himself. So far so good. Merlin didn't feel like eating, so he got out his sandwich, and played with it, but not eating it, and talked to everyone with revealing as little as he could about himself. Half way through lunch, Merlin stroked Arthur's leg under the table, and was smug with the reaction he got. Arthur actually jumped. It was hilarious to see his face. Merlin smirked when everyone asked Arthur what was wrong, and Arthur made up some petty excuse about a wasp he thought he saw. Cute.

At the end of lunch, Merlin got up to put his sandwich in the bin. But then Arthur grabbed his wrist.

'Not eating?' He asked and he actually sounded concerned.

'No, I-I, h-ha-had a big breakfast' Merlin stuttered out as he tried to think of an excuse.

'Bullshit'

'No seriously, I'm having a big tea tonight as well'

'Right' Arthur said slowly. But then he quickly changed the subject.

'I see you've made friends with Gwen and Gwaine very quickly'

'Yeah they are very friendly'

'Yeah I suppose they are'

It was in this silence that they both realized at the same time that Arthur was still holding onto Merlin's wrist. They both jumped back when they realized.

'Er… we should get to lessons' Arthur quickly spoke.

'What have we got?'

'Maths and French' They were walking towards the building. They were one of the last ones in, everyone else was getting ready for lessons inside.

'Eurgh, might just walk home and skip class'

Arthur looked at him shocked.  
'You can't do that!'

'Why not? Besides, the worse they can do is shout at you'

Arthur scoffed 'That's not the point. Come on, lets go to class'

And that is how Merlin got dragged into the two most boring hours of his life, even with a great view of Arthur's bum.

On the bus home, Merlin sat next to Gwen again, so he didn't have to speak a lot. The whole time he could feel Arthur's gaze on him, but he never looked around. Getting off, he said a quick bye to Gwen and looked round at the boys in his year, all gave him a friendly smile and nod, except for Arthur, who looked him up and down, and gave a smug smile. God he hated it when he smiled. When he got off the bus, he didn't look back.

Merlin unlocked his door and chucked his bag on the floor. He needed a smoke, or a drink. He rushed upstairs and changed into a big dark grey jumper, which reached down to just above his knees. He took of his bracelets, and immediately felt free. His bracelets made him feel trapped, they were a relief to get off sometimes. He needed a release and quick. Merlin went into the bathroom and fetched some razors. He rolled up his sleeves and made three deep cuts on each of his wrists. Merlin breathed deeply. He shouldn't of done that. Quickly wiping the bathroom sink to get rid of the blood, and his wrists, Merlin promised himself that he'd never do that again.

He went downstairs after getting a small bottle of vodka from underneath his floorboard. If he kept going like this, he will run out within two weeks. He put on the t.v. and fetched a glass ready for a drunken night in. Then there was a knock on the door. He placed the vodka and glass on the sofa arm and looked through the window to see who it was. Arthur. Oh no. He couldn't just not answer, he knew that Merlin was in. Merlin walked slowly to the door and opened it. He looked Arthur in the face.

'What do you want?' He snapped.

Arthur looked him up and down hungrily. Then Merlin realized he was some what under dressed.

'I think this is the first time I've seen you in a colour other than black' He said and then pushed himself past Merlin and into the house. Merlin followed Arthur to the kitchen. When Arthur entered the kitchen, he made himself at home and began to make some pasta.

'What are you doing?'

'Cooking you some pasta' Arthur said half paying attention which annoyed Merlin even more.

'Why?'

'So you eat something, I know what you're like, you'll forget to eat' He said, still not noticing Merlin's anger.

'Arthur, I don't need babysitting'

'I know' He said still not paying attention.

'Well, I'm not going to eat it' Merlin snapped, and rushed off into the living room to start on his bottle of vodka. That got Arthur's attention. Arthur followed him and sat down next to him on the sofa.

'And why not?' He spoke calmly, keeping eye contact.

'I don't feel like pasta'

'Pretty poor excuse'

'I don't have to explain myself to you'

Arthur eyed him for a second before saying anything.

'So what have you eaten today?'

'Erm, u-uh, well, I had a biscuit this morning and…'

'And…?'

There was an awkward silence.

'Oh, I see' Arthur said.

'Oh come on, don't act like you actually care. You can go, I'm busy'

'Doing what exactly?'

Merlin picked up his vodka bottle and was about to take the lid off when Arthur tried to take it from his hand. They both fought over it, and they big ended up falling on the floor. Arthur was lying on top of Merlin, staring at him intently. There could of been there for hours, time seemed to stop. Arthur lifted up his hand and carefully held Merlin's face. He stroked his thumb over Merlin's cheek. Merlin couldn't help but lean into his embrace.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, and Arthur grabbed his hand away and jumped off him then rushed out the room. After hearing a few voices, Gwaine followed by Arthur entered the room. He'd forgotten about the vodka lying in the middle of the floor.

'Hey mate!' Gwaine said and pulled Merlin into a friendly embrace.

'Hey, what are you doing here?' Merlin asked, quite surprised. Gwaine looked him up and down, and Merlin had forgotten, once again, his state of dress.

'Sorry I wasn't expecting visitors' He added.

'It's fine. Well, I had nothing to do, so I was wondering if we could watch a few movies or something, but it looks like someone beat me to it' Gwaine smirked at Arthur. Arthur started to explain but Merlin beat him to it.

'Er, well-'

'Oh Arthur was letting me borrow The Shining because I haven't watched it yet, and he said he had it on DVD and that he'd drop it off for me tonight'

'You haven't watched it yet?!'

'No not yet' Oh course he had, he knew all the words.

'Well, shall we watch it?'

'Yeah I'll just pop it on' Merlin started putting the DVD in the t.v. 'Do you want to stay and watch it with us Arthur?'

'Yeah sure' Arthur sat on the sofa next to Gwaine.

'Do you want a drink?'

'No thanks,' They both said, nearly at the same time.

'You sure? I've got cola, sprite, vodka, beer-'

'You're offering us alcohol?' Gwaine asked really taken aback.

'Yeah, I've got loads to get rid of'

'Great! Can I have a large neat vodka? You know, I am the only year eleven who has ever drunk alcohol'

Merlin actually spluttered.

'What?! Are you kidding?'

Gwaine shook his head.

'Bloody hell, next you'll be telling me you're all virgins!'

Gwaine and Arthur looked at him funny.

'Well aren't you?' Arthur asked Merlin.

'Wow, you have got to be pulling my leg- of course I'm not a virgin! Jesus Christ! Right, that's it, I'm holding a party this weekend, everyone in our year is invited, Arthur could you text everyone for me?'

'Yeah sure' Arthur pulled out his phone.

'Right, my place, Saturday night, seven o'clock, people can stay over if they don't want to go back drunk'

'This is going to be epic, it's going to be the first proper party!' Gwaine almost squealed.

'I've got loads of booze to get rid of anyway. Right Gwaine wants a vodka, what do you want Arthur?'

Arthur was still texting. Without looking up he rejected his offer politely of a drink, stood up and went into the kitchen to finish off cooking pasta.

Merlin picked up the bottle of vodka off the floor and filled the glass to the brim and handed it to Gwaine, who downed it in one. Merlin then went into the kitchen to get a glass for himself, whilst drinking half the bottle. Arthur gave him a look and raised his eyebrows.

'I'll eat the bloody pasta if it means that much to you'

And walked out.

By the time Arthur had finished cooking, he came into the living room with a big bowl of pasta to find Gwaine and Merlin completely wasted.

They were both laughing hysterically at the bit of the movie where he sticks his wad through the door and shouts 'here's Johnny!'.

'Are you two drunk?'

They both laughed harder.

'Gwaine don't you think that you should go home now?'

Surprisingly, Gwaine took the hint, and got up the best he could.

'I'll show you out!' Merlin said, and was better at handling his drink, got up with much more grace.

Arthur let Merlin take him to the door, and say goodbye, whilst he took the pasta back into the kitchen. He'd be walking Gwaine home, making sure he got back safe. He put the pasta on the side and made his way back to the front door. What he wasn't intending on seeing, was Merlin backed up against the wall, with Gwaine kissing him passionately. Arthur was stunned. He didn't know what to do, and he felt this strange, uncomfortable feeling being created in the pit of his stomach. Arthur watched as Gwaines hands slid and cupped Merlin's bum, and Merlin's hands snake through Gwaines hair. Arthur hid behind the door. He heard them stop.

'You're a good kisser' That was Gwaine speaking.

'Likewise'

'Wow, I'm really drunk' Gwaine said with a small hiccup and giggle at the end.

'Yes you are! That was a mistake'

'Yes you're right. Lets just pretend it never happened. Don't want to be branded a man slag!'

'We've only know each other for a day!' That pushed them into another round of laughter, and Arthur decided now was the time to take Gwaine home.

'Come on Gwaine, time to go'

'Right, yeah, see you soon, Merlin' Gwaine practically purred Merlin's name. Merlin was glad to get Arthur out the house for a bit. He needed some space. He lay down on the sofa, after going to the kitchen and fetching the pasta, and actually ate the whole lot. He was so full by the end of it, he thought he was going to throw up. He let his eyes droop, and was fast asleep.

When Arthur came back through the door, he found Merlin on the sofa asleep and The Shining on repeat. He was glad to see an empty bowl of pasta on the floor next to him. Arthur sat down on the sofa with him, and watched him sleep. Then it caught his eye. Blood on his jumper. Arthur edged closer and pulled down Merlin's sleeve. His heart literally stopped.

There were three fresh cuts on each wrist. Arthur panicked and racked his brain trying to figure out what to do.

Arthur got a pen, and drew a butterfly on his wrist, and a little message.

'Get better soon, from Arthur x'

He debated with himself for ages on whether or not to put the kiss, but he figured it wouldn't hurt. Arthur started to wake Merlin up.

'Merlin, lets get you into bed, come on'

Merlin squinted, and looked very confused for a few seconds, but then relaxed as he made eye contact with Arthur. Arthur pulled him up and helped him upstairs into his bed and tucked him in.

'I ate the pasta' Merlin slurred.

'Yes I noticed, well done. Did you have a nice time with Gwaine? He was so drunk I had to basically carry him home, thank god nobody saw!' Arthur joked. Merlin giggled a bit.

'He's pretty cool actually' Arthur felt a surge of jealously, he didn't even know why he was getting jealous.

'Right I'm going, see you tomorrow?' Arthur got up and walked towards the door.

'Yeah, bye, and Arthur?'

'Yeah?'

'Thanks for the pasta' Merlin said whilst yawning.

'You're welcome' Arthur said and closed the door.

***

In the morning, Merlin woke up without a hangover. He jumped in the shower, and quickly got back out again. He chucked on a Pink Floyd black tee shirt on, black skinned, and converse. As he was putting on his bracelets, he noticed the butterfly. At first, he felt angry at this message, but then, he realized there was no reason to be angry, and he felt safe. He doesn't know why, but every time he looked at it, he felt really safe. He chucked on a thick black hoodie an actually ate breakfast. He had cereal. Better than nothing. He made himself a sandwich and grabbed a chocolate bar. He looked out the window an watched the bus roll up before he went outside. Getting on the bus, he saw the only seat left was on the back in between Gwaine and Arthur. Morgana was sitting in the seat next to Gwen, so he had no choice. Gwaine actually called him over.

'Merlin, come sit here mate! I was jut telling the lads how rat arsed we got last night!'

Merlin sat in the seat carefully, making sure he didn't touch either of them. Gwaine was in the middle of explaining what happened. It was obvious nothing really went on in this village, seeing as the whole bus was hooked on his every word.

'And then Arthur had to carry me home, I could barely stand up. Good job my parents were working!'

'Guys, did you all get my message about the party?' Arthur cut in.

'Yeah me and Gwen can come, we can't wait!' Morgana said whilst giving a friendly smile to Merlin. Merlin smiled back.

All the boys confirmed that they could come, but Vivian couldn't come, and therefore Sophia wasn't coming either. Not that anybody cared. Merlin only invited them be polite.

School was uneventful for the rest of the week, but he was finally introduced to Morgana properly.

Arthur came round his house every night after school, and cooked him dinner. They talked a lot and had a lot of banter. He didn't mention the butterfly. He didn't need to. He'd not cut since or even attempted to not eat.

Merlin was winning the game though. Whatever game it was. On Thursday lunch time, Merlin got on his knees in the middle of the play ground, and 'tied his shoe laces'. It was just an excuse to give a lingering touch on his ankle, and press his face close to his groin. Arthur actually blushed and spluttered. Merlin then stood up, looked him up and down, and then walked off causally. There had been other gentle touches and sexual eye contact. But neither of them mentioned it.


	5. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER; I DO NOT OWN MERLIN

* * *

When Saturday came around, everyone was excited. Merlin hadn't really slept Friday night, and got up at about eight. It was early but he couldn't sleep. He chucked on an oversized white tee shirt and black skinny jeans. He got his black leather coat and bracelets. He got some money out of the wardrobe. He wanted to go for a coffee in that mini cafe in the village.

He left his house at ten o'clock and it only took literally a minutes walk to get there, and he went in. There was a sofa and about three tables, with four chairs at each one. Then there was a beanbag corner, which looked very snug. It was decorated in a vintage style. He ordered an extra large coffee and chose to sit on the sofa. Just at that moment, Gwen bustled in. She saw him immediately.

'Merlin! Fancy seeing you here, you excited for tonight?!'

Merlin liked Gwen, she was funny and kind. They had become good friends in a short amount of time. They were interested in the same things and could make easy conversation. He felt like he could tell her everything. Well… not everything.

'Yeah I can't wait. You staying for a coffee?'

'Yeah, I'll just order it'

Gwen went over and ended up ordering a coffee and two massive (they were HUGE) slabs of chocolate cake. That was another thing about Gwen. She was almost too generous.  
Gwen settled down opposite Merlin.

'So you all ready for tonight?' Merlin asked.

'Yeah I've got my outfit sorted and everything. Just going to go over to Morgana's after this to help her with hers'

The lady behind the counter, came over and set down two coffees and two plates of cake. She made small talk whilst doing it. She knew Gwen. Well, everybody knew everyone.

'Yeah I've just come out because I was getting sick of being cooped up in that house'

'You'll get used to it. There barely anything to do in this village, that's why your party is such a big thing'

There was a short but comfortable silence whilst they both drank some coffee and ate some cake. There was no way he could finish this cake.

'I heard about Gwaine'

Merlin nearly choked on his coffee.

'What?!'

'I know kissed him Monday night. He told Morgana and Morgana told me'

'Right, yeah we were both drunk and it just kind of happened, you know how it is'

'Know I don't, I've never kissed anyone before'

Merlin's jaw actually dropped.

'What, not even Lancelot?' Gwen shook her head. 'Are you blind, he is mad over you!'

'No he's not'

'Yes he is, you know, I actually thought you were dating when I first saw you both together'

Gwen just lightly giggled.

'Tonight we are defiantly playing spin the bottle'

'Whats that?'

'You'll see'

They drank some more coffee and ate more cake.  
'So, what was it like?'

'What was what like?'

'The kiss'

'He was actually pretty good'

'Really?'

'Yeah, and he came on to me by the way, I just couldn't be arsed to stop him'

'Yeah and well I kind of heard, w-well, I got t-told that, uh' Gwen stuttered.

'Go go Gwen, you can tell me' Merlin said with a warm smile.

'That you're not a virgin either'

'No, I'm not'

Merlin explained to Gwen that he'd lost his virginity to his first girlfriend, Freya, in London. That's when Merlin realized that he was gay and broke up with her. They had ended on great terms though and are still very close friends. The second person he had sex with, was he best friend, Will, on a 'friends with benefits' arrangement, and it had worked out really well and were still best friends. They talked some more and finished their coffee and cake (yes, they actually ate a whole slice of cake each).

'Well I best be going, Morgana will be wondering where I am'

'Me too, see you later'

They both gave each other a quick hug and went their separate ways. Merlin checked the time on his phone. Twelve o'clock. And three missed calls, two from Arthur and one from his Mum. Wow, time can go fast.

Merlin took a very short stroll home and was surprised to find Arthur looking very pale sitting on his doorstep.

'Where have you been?!' Arthur basically screamed at him.

'I was having a coffee with Gwen, why?'

'You weren't answering your phone and I thought that you'd gone and done something stupid!' Arthur blurted out.

'Were you worried about me?' Merlin teased.

'No!' Arthur snapped back and averted his eyes to the ground.

'Tell you what-' Merlin reached inside his pocket and pulled out his keys. He pulled off the spare key to the front door and shoved it in Arthur's hand.

'Have this key. You might as well, you basically live at my house anyway'

Merlin pushed past Arthur and went into the house. He called back to him as the rushed up stairs-  
'Im having a shower, make us lunch will you?'

Arthur smiled and followed him into the house, and went into the kitchen to make some sandwiches.

Merlin had a long hot, steamy shower. When he got out he checked the time. Half past twelve. He got out the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. He looked at the butterfly on his wrist; it had faded until you almost couldn't see it, and Merlin couldn't see the message anymore.

He looked in his wardrobe for an outfit. He lay on the bed a clean pair of black skinny jeans, and a large black Muse printed tee shirt (he had an obsession with band printed tee shirts), to dress into later. He was starving, and made his way downstairs into the kitchen, not seeing Arthur any where. There was a note on the side.

'Went to get some more coffee. Arthur x'

He'd put a kiss on the end. Merlin felt a warm feeling grow at the bottom of his stomach. Must be because he's hungry. How he could be hungry when he ate that massive piece of cake, he'd never know. There was a sandwich waiting for him on the side, but he needed a cup of tea first. Whilst making the tea, he heard Arthur come in. He didn't bother to look around. He was just putting the milk in the tea when Arthur came and stood right up behind him. He could feel his breath on his neck. Merlin subconsciously leaned backwards towards Arthur. He let his head drop a little onto Arthur's right shoulder, and Arthur's chin came and rested on his left shoulder. Arthur's arm slid around Merlin and took the milk out of his hands whilst putting the coffee next to the kettle. When his hands came back, he held the wrist he'd written on, and turned it around to look at it.

'You ran out of coffee, and I'm guessing that people will be needing it tomorrow morning' Arthur said in a low, sexy, husky voice. He was running his thumb over Merlin's wrist.

'Yeah, good thinking' Merlin managed to keep his voice from catching, and said it in a low manner.

All of a sudden, Arthur turned him around, still holding onto his wrist, and pushed him up against the side. He was so close, he was sure they were going to kiss. Just then, he took a pen out of his pocket, and held Merlin's wrist in place. He drew another butterfly, on top of the old one, and wrote another message.

'Keep up the good work, Arthur x'

Arthur looked up and kept intense eye contact with him, for what felt like an eternity, and then let go and stepped back and walked out of the room saying-

'Your sandwich is on the side' In a light airy manner.

Merlin guessed that whole episode in the kitchen was just a part of this game he was playing, and he was going to have to step it up a notch. He picked up his tea and sandwich, and went to go and sit outside. Then he realized, he was still in just a towel. He hadn't actually dressed yet. Merlin blushed with embarrassment, even though there was nobody there. He ate his lunch in the kitchen, and then went up stairs (avoiding Arthur) to get dressed.

It was now two o'clock an he still wasn't happy with what he looked like. Right now, he was wearing his bracelets, and a big black cable knit jumper, with a smudge of eyeliner under his eyes (barely noticeable). He'd gone off what he'd picked out earlier. He could hear Arthur watching t.v. downstairs.

'Arthur! Arthur, come here quick!'

He could heard Arthur rushing up the stairs.

'Merlin, are you alright?! What is it?!' Arthur burst into his room. Merlin raised his eyebrow.

'You have got to stop thinking the worst, Arthur'

Arthur blushed a little.

'Well what is it?'

'I don't know what to wear'

Arthur made a little groan.

'Well let me see, what about this and this'

He'd picked out exactly the same as what he had originally chose.

'Fine, let me try them on, turn around' And Arthur turned around.

Merlin quickly removed his jumper, and put on the other clothes.

'So, how do I look?' Arthur turned around and Merlin swears to this day Arthur's jaw dropped a little bit.

'Yes, uh , very nice' Arthur's voice caught a little bit. He'd seen Merlin in basically these clothes before, but it's the way everything was so rushed putting it on, and the shirt half tucked in and his hair sticking up in different directions. He looked so hot that Arthur wanted to rip his clothes off and kiss him more passionately than Gwaine ever could. Arthur had known he was gay for a long time, he'd just gotten so used to hiding it, that he hadn't come out yet.

Merlin walked up to him, making eye contact and letting his hands brush against Arthur's. They were close. Merlin slid his hand up Arthur's arm and let his hand rest on his shoulder. His other hand slid all the way up to his face, and Merlin cupped his cheek.

'Why don't you go home and get changed, come back with Gwen and Morgana at seven. I need to tidy the house'

Then Merlin let go and stepped backwards.

'Yeah, I'll go change' Arthur said before briskly leaving. Merlin had just set the standard.

It was half past six when Merlin started drinking. He'd set out all the drinks on a table, carried the tv up stairs (so it didn't get broken), and even made some food. He got out he docking station and attached his iPhone. He put on his party playlist on shuffle.

'Mr Brightside by The Killers' Came one first. No playlist complete without it.

He was tipsy when Leon, Lancelot and Gwaine arrived together. Merlin shoved two shots in each of their hands and made them drink it all. Then he told them to help themselves to whatever they could find. By the time Arthur, Morgana and Gwen arrived, they were all drunk, but they soon caught up. It was half eight and everyone was having a good time, when Merlin picked up an empty vodka bottle and proposed they played spin the bottle.

'Guys, the rules are, somebody spins the bottle twice, and whoever the cap points to, they both have to make out'

Everybody agrees to play. Merlin spun the bottle first. The first person it landed on was Morgana, and the second person it landed on, was Gwaine.

'Kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss!' Everybody shouted in unison, and everyone cheered when they did. It looked very awkward and robotic, but considering it was Morgana's first kiss, it didn't look too bad.

Next, Leon and Gwen made out, then Arthur and Gwen kissed and then it was Gwaine's and Merlin's turn. Gwaine came over to him and Merlin decided it would be better standing up. Before they kissed, Merlin whispered in his ear-

'Lets give them a show'

And then leaned back so Gwaine could see his face and gave him a cheeky wink.

If it was even possible, the kiss was hotter than the first one they'd shared. Merlin went in first, but Gwaine was the more dominant one in the kiss. One of Gwaines hands cupped his bum and the other held onto the back of Merlin's neck. One of Merlin's hands was resting on Gwaines shoulder and the other one was tugging on Gwaines hair. Merlin could hear everybody cheering them on. When Merlin pulled away, Merlin bit onto Gwaines bottom lip, which made Morgana and Leon wolf whistle. Lancelot must have been really drunk, because he shouted-

'Now that was a kiss, shit that was hot!'

Everyone laughed and a few more rounds were played.

Arthur and Merlin never kissed, and deep down Merlin was glad. If he was ever to kiss Arthur, he wouldn't want it to be over a game of 'spin the bottle'.

Afterwards, Merlin offered everyone some weed, and only Gwaine and Morgana took him up on that offer. He rolled each of them a joint, and told them to wait for him outside whilst he rolled himself a joint and checked on everyone else.

He walked into the living room to find Lancelot and Gwen making out in the corner (finally) and Arthur and Leon laughing about something on the sofa. Merlin had sobered up a lot.

'Leon, here-' Merlin handed him a joint 'Morgana's waiting for you outside' Leon literally jumped off the sofa and said a quick thanks and rushed outside. It was common knowledge that Leon had a massive crush on Morgana, he was actually quite good at hiding it.

Arthur raised his eyebrow at Merlin. Merlin simply bit on his bottom lip, and nodded towards the stairs. As Merlin walked past, he let his hand brush against Arthur's arm which was resting on the sofa arm.

Walking upstairs, Merlin went into the bathroom and got a quick drink of water. When he came out, Arthur was leaning against the wall, looking straight at him.

There was no words to be said. Arthur walked up to him briskly and backed him up against the wall. They stared at each other for what could have been hours. One of Arthur's hands had rested on his hips, and the other was cupping Merlin's face. Merlin had both of his hands on Arthur's chest, gripping onto his tee shirt. Arthurs hand slid off Merlins face, and rested on his shoulder. Arthur licked his lips. Arthur leaned in and softly pressed his lips against Merlin's.

The first kisses were soft, and without tongues. The third kiss was when Merlin parted his mouth a little, and they both experienced the best kiss of their lives so far. Arthur rubbed against Merlin as he kissed him passionately. Merlin became playful and began to suck on Arthur's top lip, and suddenly, the kissing wasn't enough. They both began trying to get each others clothes off, hungrily. They were still kissing as if it was air. Merlin was getting annoyed that Arthur's belt buckle wouldn't undo. They were making little progress in the stripping, but still kissing as strongly as ever. Arthur lifted Merlin up whilst Merlin wrapped his legs around Arthur waist. Arthur was grinding against him, and both were making little moans of pleasure. The kissing was well under way when-

'MERLIN!' That voice pulled them apart like they'd gotten an electric shock. They were both holding onto each other, and both looking shocked.

'Merlin! Morgana's been sick!' Leon shouted.

Merlin looked at Arthur. Arthur looked confused, like he didn't know what he was doing there.

'Ive, g-got to go' Merlin whispered, and they both let go of each other.

Merlin rushed downstairs, to only watch Morgana throw up into the kitchen sink. Gwaine was sleeping in the corner of the kitchen, Leon was holding Morgana's hair back whilst she threw up. And Gwen and Lancelot were still making out in the living room. And Arthur was… well, he was up stairs.

'She'll be ok in half an hour, she just needs to get it out her system, give her some water and I'll get the pain killers'

Merlin rushed out the room, only to realize the pain killers were up stairs. In the bathroom. He hadn't seen Arthur come down yet. Merlin decided the best thing to do right now, would be to pretend nothing happened. Arthur was obviously very drunk, and he didn't want Merlin. Not really. Why was this kiss so complicated? He'd kissed loads of people before, and never once had he felt like… this? He didn't know how he felt.

Merlin gave up. He couldn't be arsed with Morgana and her sick. He sat on the sofa, with a half empty bottle of vodka, and quickly finished it off. Merlin stood up and began to dance to whatever song was on. Morgana came in with Leon holding her up and joined in. Then Gwen and Lancelot finally stopped making out an joined in. They must have been dancing for ages, but when Merlin turned around Arthur was standing close behind him. He gave a smirk. And then there was darkness.


	6. Chapter 6

DISCLAIMER; I DO NOT OWN MERLIN

* * *

Merlin woke up on the living room floor, with everyone peering over him looking concerned. Arthur was clicking his fingers in front of his face.

'Merlin, stay with me, come on, I need to get you to bed, don't got back to sleep, come on I'll help you up'

He can't remember much after that, but Arthur must have actually carried him to bed, because that's where he woke up. He checked the time. Half past one in the afternoon. Crap.

There was a glass of water next to his bed, along with a note. He downed the water and then began to read it note.

'Everyone had a great time, we all had coffee and bacon sandwiches (thanks to of Arthur) and left around eleven. We didn't want to wake you as you looked yo peaceful in sleep! It was the best party ever! Hope you can hold one again! From everyone. P.s we tided everything up, as a thank you xxx'

Merlin smiled. He couldn't help it. He got up and showered. He dressed in a white tee shirt and denim jeans. He went downstairs to find a really tidy house. He made himself a coffee and got a packet of biscuits from the cupboard and ate the whole packet. He was half way through when he remembered the kiss. His jaw actually dropped.

He couldn't remember why they had stopped… oh wait, Morgana had been sick. Merlin got his phone and text Gwen (he didn't have Morgana's number) to ask if Morgana was ok.

'Hi, just woken up. Is Morgana ok after last night?x'

'Yeah, she's fine. Leon took her home, which she won't stop going on about (I think she likes him too) and OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I KISSED LANCELOT AND THEN HE ASKED ME OUT AND I SAID YES!xx'

Oh yeah, Merlin remembered now. He remembered everything.

'That's fantastic, I'm really happy for you! Do you want to come over for a coffee, or something, I need to speak to you urgently xx'

'Yeah I'll be round in ten xx'

Merlin boiled the kettle and found some cake and chocolate in the cupboards. He made two mugs of coffee, and when he was finished Gwen knocked at the door.

'Come in!' He shouted and he heard her open the door.

'Hey Merlin, what's up?' Gwen looked concerned.

'Here, take this-' Merlin handed her the coffee. 'I need to speak to you about something that happened last night'

'Yeah, ok' Gwen sat down and drank a bit of coffee, then stared at Merlin, waiting for him to start.

'Is Arthur gay?'

'U-uh well not that I know of. Why?'

'Promise not to say anything?'

'I promise' Gwen said with a warm smile.

'Me and Arthur, erm well, we kinda kissed last night'

Gwen's jaw dropped and she nearly dropped her coffee.

'What?! When?! Oh my god you have got to tell me everything!'

'Well, we were upstairs, and he just backed me up against the wall, and then really kissed me. He like… really went for it' Gwen's jaw dropped again 'And it was definitely going further'

'Then why'd you stop?'

'Leon called me because Morgana was being sick'

'I can't believe this, I can't believe he's gay!'

'I didn't think he was until last night'

There was a pause as Gwen digested the information.

'What happened after I passed out?'

'Arthur carried you up stairs'

'Oh right-'

'Now I come to think of it, he was acting very distracted and insisted that he would carry you up'

'What should I do? Should I pretend it never happened, or confront him, or wait for him to bring it up?'

'Well, what do you want to do?'

'Leave it for a while, and see if he brings it up, and if not, then just pretend it never happened'

'Thats what I'd probably do to be honest'

They chatted a little longer and finished off the cake a chocolate. It was about three o'clock when she left. He tidied up and went up stairs. He felt like a fag, but he'd ran out of tobacco, so all he had left was weed. He rolled himself a joint and went and sat in the mini woods in his back garden. He lit up and felt high almost immediately. He felt much better about everything and very relaxed. He felt tired. He stubbed out his joint and lay back. He let unconsciousness swallow him whole.

'Merlin, wake up! Please!'

Merlin was being dragged from his sleep kicking and screaming.

'Merlin, come on!'

Merlin squinted his eyes open, only to see Arthur looking more worried than he should. It was dark. Merlin groaned and tried to turn away from him.

'Come on Merlin! It's half past eleven at night! You need to get into bed'

'Ok, ok! Just five more minutes…'

'No, don't you dare' Arthur yanked him upwards and Merlin cuddled into his chest. The lead him inside, and Merlin began to wake up properly.

'What are you doing here?'

'Well I came to pick up that movie, but seeing as you were nowhere to be seen, I guessed I ended up looking for you'

'You came at half eleven at night?'

'No, I came a ten, I've been looking for you every where for an hour and a half!' Arthur was letting his worry show, but Merlin didn't tease him. They were walking upstairs and Merlin needed to the bathroom. Arthur let go of him, happy that he could walk on his own, and Merlin brushed his teeth and went to the toilet. When Merlin was finished, he opened the door to find Arthur leaning against the wall in exactly the same place as before. It was déjà vu.

Merlin was backed up against the wall again and their hands fell into the same positions. It was Merlin this time, however, who pressed his lips against Arthur's.

They started to rid each other of clothes straight away, eager to finish what was started last night. Merlin some how led Arthur into his room, whilst still kissing him, and Arthur pressed him up against the door to close it. This time Arthur wasn't wearing belt, so it was a lot easier for Merlin. Arthur kissed Merlins neck and jaw line as he got Merlins trousers and boxers off. Merlin did the same.

'B-bed' Merlin grumbled, as Arthur dragged him to the bed, his hands of his hips and still kissing Merlin like he was a life line. They stripped each other of their tee shirts as they edged towards the bed.

He pushed Merlin gently onto the bed, and half lay on top of him. He stopped kissing him for a moment, and stared at him. Then he resumed kissing and stroking his hair. They both groaned each others names. Merlin turned onto his front and grabbed a condom from under his bed. He had put them in a reachable distance, just in case. Merlin handed Arthur the condom whilst he was gently kissing him up and down the back of his neck. Merlin heard the rip of the packet as it opened, he could barely contain his orgasm. Merlin spread his legs wider, and waited. Arthur was still carefully kissing Merlin along his neck. Time slowed right down.

Finally, Arthur pushed in slowly, not bothering to prepare Merlin. Merlin raised his hips so Arthur was balls deep in him, and then slowly began thrusting. The pace began to quicken, and Arthur was groaning Merlin's name louder and louder. Arthur held Merlin's cock inside his hand and began pumping it in time to the thrusts.

They both came at the same time, screaming and panting hard. Arthur pulled out, tied and chucked the condom on the floor, before letting Merlin cuddle into his arms and fall fast asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

DISCLAIMER; I DO NOT OWN MERLIN

* * *

Merlin woke up to his phones alarm. In his bed, alone. Last night he and Arthur had... fucked. There was no denying it. And now Arthur wasn't here. He had left when he had fallen asleep. Merlin tried to think of anything but what had happened, when he was showering, dressing, and drinking his coffee. When the bus came, he felt physically sick, to see Arthur again, after knowing what had happened. Merlin walked casually up to the bus, and sat in the same place as he always did (in between Gwaine and Arthur). Arthur acted completely normal. Merlin was at first really angry about it, but then he decided that two could play at this game. The bus journey was the same as always, except everyone was going on about the party, even the people who didn't go. Vivian and Sophia looked furious that they didn't go to it. The only exciting part of the bus trip, was when Arthur got up before Merlin to get off the bus, and Merlin followed right behind him, Merlin dragged his hand across Arthur's bum, and slightly pinched it.

Gaius came into the classroom before lessons started to give Merlin and entire years A-Level work for every subject. For each subject, there was a gigantic folder, but thankfully Gaius said he could keep them at school, so he wouldn't have to carry them home. Merlin spent the day looking through all the folders, and everything seemed really easy. The rest of the day was uneventful, except for a couple of lingering touches between Merlin and Arthur. Not to mention the awkward eye contact, so it was a bit of a surprise, when Arthur let himself in after school, and cooked him pizza. They talked like nothing had happened, and there was no awkwardness. They watched a movie and listened to some music, and talked about nothing in particular.

It wasn't until around, half ten, when Merlin was washing some pots in the kitchen and Arthur was supposed to be still watching the movie in the other room, when it happened.

Again.

Merlin had just finished drying the last cup, when Arthur came up behind him, wrapped his arms tightly around Merlin's waist, and began to kiss his neck hungrily. Merlin made some subconscious moans as his head lolled backwards and his eyes began to flutter. Then Arthur with drew, turned Merlin around and kissed his desperately. Arthur was tugging at Merlin's trousers, and Merlin was trying to rid Arthur of his top. Arthur pulled a condom out his back pocket (suspiciously prepared) and placed it next to Merlin on the kitchen side, whilst he got out of his jeans. It wasn't long before they were both naked, panting, and ferociously ripping the condom wrapper open. Arthur lifted Merlin up so he was perched on the kitchen side.

'A-a-ar-arthur! GGod, shit, harder! H-harder, Arthur!' Merlin moaned as Arthur began to thrust after entering Merlin balls deep.

'Mer_rrrr_lin, oh f-fuck, oh! Oh, f-f-fuck_kkkkk' _Arthur could barely contain himself.

Arthur fucked Merlin hard, squeezing every last moan and scream he could get out of him. When Arthur pulled out, they kissed some more, but slowly paced, calming each other down.

'I've got to go, Morgana will be wondering where I am' Arthur said after he could finally bring himself away from kissing Merlin's mouth.

Merlin nodded understandingly.

And with that, Merlin watched Arthur quickly dress, and leave him standing in the kitchen, still breathless. He didn't know what this was, but he chose not to dwell on it. The sex was the best he'd ever had, and he was more than happy to have the occasional fuck. He just wouldn't think about it, and accept it as being normal.

So Merlin didn't think about it.


	8. Chapter 8

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN MERLIN OR ANY MUSIC/SONGS I MENTION - (for the whole fanfic)

Thanks for the reviews, this fanfic is going to be the longest one I have ever written!

* * *

Merlin didn't think about it the next day, when everything was the same, and they both acted normally around each other, exchanging the usual banter. Merlin didn't think about it when Arthur let himself in after school, and they both watched some t.v. and talked like best friends. And Merlin especially didn't think about it, when Arthur ended up fucking him hard on the sofa, and leaving love bites all over his neck (Merlin had to wear a scarf for the rest of his week, and Arthur liked to play with it with a smug look on his face). Nope, he didn't think about it.

The same thing happened Wednesday night as well. Arthur had ended the night by banging Merlin against the table, screaming his name.

It was Thursday night though, when his Mum had text him.

They hadn't eaten yet, and were sitting in his room (on his bed), listening to music on low, talking about the lack of WiFi in the village, which Merlin discovered for the first time was called 'Camelot', when Arthur started to rub his hand up and down Merlin's leg. They held an intense eye contact for a moment, before Arthur leaned in, and kissed him lightly on his lips, then pulled back, to look at Merlin's face. Merlin looked at Arthur, then leaned him, and kissed him desperately, whilst grabbing onto his golden hair. They began to tug at each others clothes and moan each others names. They both sank down into the bed.

...

Merlins favourite part of these times with Arthur, were the kisses at the end of sex, where they slowed their heartbeats down, by slowly exploring each others mouths. They were both still naked, under the covers of the bed, and Arthur was half lying on Merlin, slowly grinding against him, pinning back his hands above his head, and kissing him longingly.

Merlins phone rang out loudly, which broke them apart abruptly. They looked at each other for an extended moment, then Arthur moved off him, as Merlin wiggled out of bed. Merlin got him phone out of his jean pocket, and was surprised to find a message from his mother.

'_Hey Merlin, just to let you know I'm going to be back a little earlier than intended, I'll be home late on Friday (around eleven) and just to let you know I got back with Odin, so he'll be coming to stay with us. See you soon xxx'_

Merlin dropped his phone as soon as he read that message. Odin. He was the worst one. Worst than Valiant. How could she? Flashbacks hit Merlin like a tidal wave. Odin beating him to within an inch of his life, whilst his Mum was passed out on the sofa, drunk. He'd gotten her drunk so he could do that, without her seeing. He'd spent a week in hospital after that, and made up this story about being 'jumped' on the way home from school. Soon after though, his Mum had found out what had really happened, and dumped him.

Merlin breathing started to quicken and become shallower. Arthur jumped out of bed, and held Merlin up.

'Merlin, you look like you're going to pass out, what is it? Merlin? Whats happened?'

Merlin explained everything through tears and difficult breathing. Afterwards, Arthur held him, and lay him on his bed, and just hugged him. Just as he was drifting off, Arthur spoke.

'Merlin, I won't let anything happen to you, I promise. If he lays a finger on you, I will bring him down'

Merlin squeezed Arthur's hand then promptly fell asleep.

Arthur had waited until Merlin was asleep, before getting a pen, and re-doing the butterfly on his wrist. And leaving a message.

...

Merlin woke up alone, again. It was better this way, he didn't want to complicate someone as nice as Arthur into his life. It was too messed up. He hated to admit it, but he cared a great deal for Arthur. In the shower, he noticed the butterfly on his wrist had reappeared. Arthur must have done it when he was asleep. Merlin read the message and smiled.

'_I will protect you x'_

Merlin got out the shower and then he remembered. His Mum was coming back today... with Odin. Merlin lost his breath, and collapsed in a pile in the bathroom. He didn't want to go to school today. He got up and got his phone, and searched for the number in his contacts. He phoned it, and surprisingly Gaius answered it.

'Hello?' Merlin almost asked.

'Hello, this is Gaius, who's calling?'

'Oh, hi, this is Merlin. I can't come to school today, Im not feeling very well' Merlin didn't lie. It must of been stress because he actually felt sick.

'Oh dear, do you want me to send someone round? To look after you-'

'No, no, I can look after myself'

'Ok, see you Monday then?'

'Yes, Monday. Ok bye'

'Hope you get better, bye'

Merlin out the phone down, and went back to bed.

...

When Merlin woke up again, it was half past ten. He got up and dressed in a baggy black jumper, and began to tidy the house. It took him only two hours to make the house spotless. His Mum would be proud. It was half past twelve and he didn't feel like eating whatsoever. He went up stairs to get his second to last bottle of vodka, and whilst he was at it, he checked his phone. Seven missed calls and two texts from Arthur, and a text from Gwen.

'_Where are you? xxx'_

_'Merlin, don't do anything stupid. Please answer your phone xxx'_

The one from Gwen said,

_'Hope you're feeling better by Monday, miss you x'_

Merlin didn't answer any of the texts. He chucked his phone on the bed, and went downstairs to sit on the sofa. He drank the whole bottle in about ten minutes, and lay down on the sofa. It wasn't long before his head was spinning. He put on 'My Chemical Romance - The Black Parade' really loud and on repeat. Then fell fast asleep.

Three thirty is when school finishes. Three thirty two is when Arthur let himself in, shouting the house down. He'd ran all the way back from school, he couldn't waste time waiting for the bus. He ran into the living room to find Merlin sprawled on his front on the sofa, and music playing deafeningly loud. He switched off the music, and took the empty vodka bottle out of Merlins hand.

'Merlin, Merlin! Wake up, come on, wake up!' Merlin scrunched up his face and tried to turn away, but Arthur stood him up, and Merlin lent into Arthur's chest.

'Go away!' Merlin slurred and tried to fight him off, thinking it was Odin.

'Merlin, its me, Arthur' Arthur comforted Merlin.

But Merlin was beyond drunk, and it took him a while to realise who it was.

'Arthur?'

'Yes Merlin, its Arthur'

'I'm scared, Arthur, really scared' Merlin said in such a way that Arthur wanted to cry. He sounded so helpless. Arthur held in his tears.

'Don't worry Merlin, I've got you, come on, lets get you to bed'

They struggled to get to bed as Merlin could barely walk, and had to stop at the bathroom to throw up in the toilet. Because he hadn't eaten, it was just a yellowish mess, and Merlin mostly was just gagging, but nothing was coming up. Arthur helped Merlin drink some water, and brush his teeth before finally getting him into bed.

'Merlin, have you eaten today'

Merlin shook his head.

'Do you want something?'

Merlin shook his head again.

'Merlin, you've got to eat. Tell me what you want'

Merlin looked Arthur in the eye.

'I want to feel safe' And then the darkness won, and he passed out.

...

When Merlin woke up again, he didn't feel drunk anymore. He checked the time, it was half ten. His Mum and 'boyfriend' would be here in half an hour or so. Merlin could hear the t.v. on downstairs. Arthur. Merlin rushed downstairs to find Arthur on the sofa.

'Are you feeling better? I made you some-'

'Arthur you need to go'

'Why?'

'They will be here in half an hour'

'Merlin, I want to stay and make sure you are alright' Arthur said, unfazed by Merlin's urgency.

'Arthur, you'll make it worse. Please, just go!' Merlin was shouting now, and dragging Arthur up and off the sofa, and towards the front door.

'Merlin, please, let me stay, I don't want him to hurt you!'

'Arthur, don't act like you give a shit please'

'Merlin, I do give a shit about you! Why do you think I make sure you eat, and stop cutting?!'

Merlin just looked at him perplexed for a second. He just needed him to go, and quickly, he couldn't let Arthur get hurt.

'Please Arthur just go, for me?' Merlin begged. Arthur paused before carrying on.

'Merlin, I will go. But if anything happens you come to my house, ok? Doesn't matter what time, you come straight to me. It'll only be me and Morgana there. I live in the big white house at the other end of the street ok? Its only about a five minute walk. Promise me you'll come?'

'Promise' Merlin barely whispered. He knew where he meant, because every other house here was bricked. There was only one white house, and it was the biggest one in Camelot. He knew the way there even though he'd never been. It was hard to get lost in this village.

Arthur lifted his hand, cupped Merlins face and rubbed his thumb against Merlins cheek bone. They both kept eye contact for a while before Merlin broke the silence.

'Time to go Arthur' Merlin muttered. Arthur grabbed his hand back from Merlins face, and he only just realized he was doing it.

'Bye' Arthur said, then walked out the door.

...

When his Mum and Odin rolled up in a taxi, it ironically started to rain. Heavily. His Mum stumbled through the door, yes, she was already drunk, and Odin stumbled in behind her. He was also a little tipsy.

'Hi my baby, I've missed you!' Huith gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

Odin came in, looked him up and down, and gave a smug smirk.

'I've missed you too' He said in a sinister tone. It made Merlin feel physically sick. He shoved past Merlin.

'Darling, would you like a drink?'

'Yeah, uh, I will have a double vodka!'

'I'll make it a triple babe' Wow, he didn't waste any time in getting her drunk.

Merlin sat his Mum down on the sofa.

'Mum, I thought you were going to stop drinking'

'Yes darling, this is only a treat though, I wont drink anymore after this, I promise!' Huith said enthusiastically. He'd heard that before.

Merlin decided to go up stairs into his room so they wouldn't disturb him.


	9. Chapter 9

DISCLAIMER; I DO NOT OWN MERLIN

* * *

Two hours later, the laughing he could hear downstairs had died down. His Mum had probably passed out. His worst fears were confirmed when he heard heavy footsteps come up the stairs and his door squeak open.

'Hello, Merlin. Have you missed me?'

'No, not one bit' Merlin snapped back. He was in no mood for his shit.

'Well, that's no way to greet an old friend'

'No, but you're no friend, now get out, I'm sleeping'

Odin tutted.

'But I'm just getting started'

Odin then dragged Merlin out of his bed by his feet, causing him to bang his head on the sharp corner of the bed. Merlin lifted his hand up to the damage, and there was blood already trickling down his face. He was ready to spit back something witty to Odin, but Odin grabbed him and pulled him upwards, and shoved him against the wall. He began to punch him violently.

'I've missed you Merlin, and your inability to fight back!'

Merlin fell to the floor, where Odin kicked him in his stomach and chest as hard as he could, for what felt like forever. When Odin finally stopped, Merlin could feel he was bleeding in multiple places, and then he passed out.

...

When Merlin woke up, it hurt to stand. He searched around for his phone. It was quarter past three in the morning, and the house was silent. He went downstairs, and quickly wrote a note to his Mum.

'_Going to a mates house till Sunday, love you xx'_

Merlin put on some black joggers, converse and grabbed a hoody. It took in literally three minutes to get to Arthur's. He felt rude intruding but he had no where to go and he needed to get out. He was shaking he was so scared. It was raining and he was soaking wet, but he didn't care.

He knocked on the door, and waited. Arthur was actually up, and answered almost immediately. He gasped when he saw Merlin.

'Can I crash here for the night?' Merlin said with his voice catching.

'Oh Merlin, come here' Arthur grabbed him into an embrace, and Merlin was shocked at the sudden closeness, then broke down.

'I'll run you a bath, come on'

Arthur lead Merlin up the stairs and helped him strip (whilst the bath was running), Arthur couldn't hold in the winces he made when he saw how bloody and bruised Merlin was. Merlin couldn't stop crying. Arthur helped Merlin into the bathroom (which was very white and big and bright).

'Do you want me to go whilst you bathe?'

Merlin shook his head.

'Stay?'

Arthur nodded, and helped lower Merlin into the bath. It wasn't embarrassing, he'd seen it all before. He washed all the dried blood of Merlin and washed his hair. Merlin just lay there with his eye closed, and limp.

'What happened Merlin?'

'He got drunk and beat me up in my room' Merlin didn't want to go into details yet.

When he was clean, Arthur lifted him out the bath, and started to dry him.

'Why weren't you asleep when I came?'

'I couldn't sleep, I was too worried about you. I should of made you stay at mine, I knew this was going to happen'

'Arthur it's not your fault' Arthur just nodded but Merlin could tell he blamed himself.

Arthur dressed Merlin in some of his own clothes and lay him in his bed, where Merlin fell asleep in Arthur arms.

...

When Merlin woke up, Arthur was downstairs cooking him a bacon sandwich. Merlin slid into a chair, which was next to the table in the kitchen. Arthur didn't realise Merlin was there until he spoke.

'You have a really nice house'

'Oh, Merlin! You're up! And, er... yeah thanks'

There was an short silence before Arthur broke it.

'Do you want this sandwich?'

Merlin smiled and nodded.

'You know, I can never eat a bacon sandwich without thinking about you' Those words just ran out of Merlins mouth before he could stop them. Arthur blushed slightly, yes, Arthur actually blushed.

Arthur smiled and handed him the sandwich because he had no idea what else to say.

'Do you want to stay here? For the weekend until things die down?'

Merlin nodded and took a bite of his sandwich. When Merlin finished his sandwich, Arthur made them both coffees and they both sat of the sofa.

'Do you want to talk about it?' And those seven words caused Merlin to break down crying, and explain to Arthur everything that had happened between him and Odin, from the first punch, to the recent beating. Arthur held Merlin as he cried into his chest. By the time Merlin had let it all out, and stopped crying, their coffees had gone stone cold.

'I'm sorry' Merlin whispered.

'What are you sorry for?'

'For involving you'

'No, don't ever be sorry, I really want to help you'

'Why?'

Arthur pretended not to hear that and got up to switch the telly on.

'Look, Morgana's slept at Gwen's last night, she'll be coming back soon. I'm going to text her to tell her to stay there, so we can have the house to ourselves'

Merlin nodded and tried not to think of what they'll get up to.

...

They stayed cuddled up on the sofa all day and watched five movies in total. As the day progressed, Merlin became for daring with his 'accidental touches'. He stroke the inside of Arthur's thigh, or brush his lips against his neck. It was more than satisfying to watch Arthur blush under his touch.

It was when they decided to go to bed when it happened for the fifth time (not counting the time when they just kissed).

Arthur was showing Merlin to his bed, in the guest room, and Merlin grabbed Arthur's wrist.

'Please don't leave me alone' Merlin barely whispered.

Arthur turned around and looked Merlin straight in the eyes. Arthur then cupped Merlins bum with one hand and the other grasped onto the top on his arm. Both of Merlins hands were resting on Arthur's chest. Merlin looked at Arthur through his eye lashes, and then their lips softly pressed against each others. Arthur parted his lips and let Merlin in. They explored each other and Merlin slowly backed Arthur towards the bed. They stripped each other of their tee shirts and took off their jeans and boxers. Arthur pulled away and took off Merlins bracelets. Something he always wore during sex with Arthur.

This sex was different though. Usually, it was desperate and needy and quick. This time it was slow and loving.

_LOVING._

Arthur slowly kissed Merlin up and down his neck as he carefully prepared him. Merlin groaned and rocked his hips against Arthur. Then Arthur entered him looking Merlin straight in the face. He rocked backwards and forwards, making himself and Merlin moan each others name for prolonged amounts of time. Arthur's hand slid up Merlins arm, and entwined their fingers together, holding hands.

They both came at the same time, and settled in each others arms, slowly but passionately kissing. Merlin's last thoughts before falling asleep, were him thinking of how to talk to Arthur about this 'thing' the had going on, but he was just to tired to try it yet.


	10. Chapter 10

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN MERLIN

* * *

Merlin woke up in an empty bed, and decided today was the the he spoke to Arthur. He couldn't hold it off any longer. He went downstairs, and found Arthur in the kitchen.

'Morning'

Arthur said lightly, and Merlin nodded and walked past to get a mug out one of the cupboards. He bent down, sticking out his bum, and bending down. He could already feel Arthur's gaze on his arse. He dove further into the cupboard to get the biggest mug. Arthur was getting up and walking over to him, but Merlin pretended not to notice. He was flicking on the kettle, when Arthur wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed his neck, he then turned him around, and kissed along his jaw line. Prolonging the kisses on the jaw, and then lent in to kiss Merlin. Merlin let him explore his mouth, and be the dominant one in the kiss. He let the kiss progress for a while, before he put his hands on Arthur's shoulders, and pushed him back.

At first, Arthur looked confused, and then he was letting go of Merlin, and walking away. Merlin grabbed his wrist and turned him around.

'Arthur, we need to talk about this. We cant keep shagging each other and then pretending nothing happened'

Arthur stumbled on his words, unable to explain anything.

'Arthur, are you gay?' Merlin asked exasperating.

'No' Arthur said in a small voice.

Merlin shook his head a breathed out.

'Arthur, I know this is hard, accepting who you are. But look, you've got good friends and everything, people accepted me, right?'

'It's not my friends I'm worried about'

'What are you worrying about then?'

'My father'

There was a small pause before Arthur carried on.

'He wouldn't like it, I mean, when Morgana came out as bi-'

'What?! Morgana's bi-sexual?'

'Yeah. She went through a phase of liking Gwen. And father- well, he didn't like it, he got really mad, and, he cried... I don't think I can put him through that again'

'Right... so what you're saying is- is that you want to keep shagging me in secret?'

Arthur nodded.

'As mates, or?-'

'Mates' Arthur said bluntly. But Arthur looked hurt, why was he looking hurt? This was breaking Merlin's heart.

'Right, because you're the only person involved here' Merlin could feel his anger rising.

Arthur gave a confused look.

'Because it's obviously just you who matters-'

'Merlin, no I didn't mean tha-' Arthur tried to cut in.

'And it doesn't matter about my feelings at all'

Arthur walked up to him, holding Merlin's wrists, but Merlin snatched them back.

'You know, I can't believe I let my guards down'

And with that, Merlin stormed out the house, listening to Arthur call his name.


	11. Chapter 11

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN MERLIN

* * *

As soon as Merlin left the house, he felt a tidal wave of guilt. He didn't mean to speak to him like that, he guesses he was just worked up about it. Then he realized, he'd have to go back to the house. He didn't want to, but he had no where else to go. He took a slow walk back to the house. When he opened the door, the stench filled his nose, and he actually wanted to vomit. He walking into the living room to find his Mum slouched on the sofa, looking tipsy and watching t.v.

'Hey son, have a nice time at your mates?' So, at least she was in a good mood.

'Yes thanks. Sorry, but I need to go get a shower, and get ready for school, I'll make you tea later then?'

'That would be lovely, darling'

Merlin then rushed upstairs and had a shower. He got his stuff ready for school, and came up with a small plan.

He would go to the shop, and buy a lock. He would put this lock on his door so Odin couldn't get in, and only leave his room for food, water, the bathroom and school. He'd also buy a lock for the bathroom, so he could lock himself in there as well.

He grabbed his coat and walked down to the shop, and whilst picking what locks to buy, Morgana strode up to him.

'Hes at home right now, in tears, locked in his room and he won't come out' Merlin didn't even flinch at these words. He set down one of the locks, and picked up another. This one he'd buy.

'Merlin, what happened?' Morgana said with genuine worry in her voice.

Merlin ignored her as he went tot the counter, and searched in his pockets for money to pay for the two locks he'd bought. Morgana followed him and kept looking at his face, as if searching for some kind of reaction or emotion. Merlin kept his face completely neutral.

'Merlin, please, he's really upset. What the hell happened between you two?'

Merlin turned and looked her straight in the eye, after paying for the locks and putting them in a small plastic bag. He could not even put into words what he was feeling right now. He opened his mouth to speak but then slammed it shut.

'Merlin, can you just, talk to him?'

'No, he talks to me, and apologies to me. I don't want his sister doing his dirty work'

Merlin stormed out the shop fuming.

...

Merlin quickly installed the locks on his bedroom and bathroom. He wound in the screws as tightly as he could. Wouldn't want Odin getting in. Afterwards, Merlin went downstairs, to find his mother and Odin, drunk, on the sofa, watching t.v. Merlin forced a fake smile on his face.

'What would you like for tea, Mum?' Trying to force it out his mouth as politely as he could.

'Pizza' She didn't even look up at him. Great. She was going to be an angry drunk tonight.

Merlin went into the kitchen and put a pizza into the oven and set the timer. He wasn't eating tonight, he needed a sense of control. Merlin told them to take it out the oven when the timer goes off and locked himself in his bedroom.

He looked at his phone.

_7 missed calls from Arthur_

_2 texts from Arthur_

_1 missed call from Morgana_

_1 text from Morgana_

Merlin inwardly groaned and read the messages.

'_Merlin please pick up. A x'_

_'Come round at tenish please? Need to talk to you. A x'_

_'Arthur's really worried, please call him at least? M x'_

Merlin chucked his phone on the floor. He had to chose.

Should he sort his life out? Or simply end it?

That's what it boiled down to. In the end. He could hear Odin coming up the stairs, then banging on the door. Merlin held his head in his hands. His head ached from all the noise and thoughts. He picked up his phone and quickly sent a text, before collapsing from exhaustion on the floor.

_'HELP' _

...

Merlin woke to Odin's face above his, smug. Merlin looked at the door to see the lock broke in half on the floor, and splinted wood everywhere.

'Thought you could get away, huh?'

Odin punched him back down onto the floor. Merlin groaned in pain.

'Well you thought wrong, hun. No ones here but you and me. Your messed up slut of a mother is downstairs. Passed out on the sofa, she is, such a lightweight for an alcoholic. I'm going to have lots of fun with you tonight. You never know, might be pleasurable for both of us'

Odin stroked his face slowly, and Merlin had no energy to even move, you matter how much he wanted to.

What they both failed to notice, was the shadow growing closer towards them both.

A one word text was all he needed._ Arthur._

'I don't think so you fucking bastard!'

Merlin once again was swallowed by the darkness, the last thing he saw, was Arthur punching Odin and knocking him out cold.


	12. Chapter 12

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN MERLIN

* * *

Merlin woke up to an unfamiliar room. It was Arthur's spare room. Merlin burst into tears. Not the whimpering type; the sobbing-my-body's-going-to-die-of-dehydration-tear s. He couldn't stop, he was so upset and overrun with emotions, he could only sit up and call Arthur's name. Arthur rushed in, an sat down next to Merlin, holding him in a firm hug.

'Merlin, he's gone, it's okay, let it all out'

Merlin was shaking so violently, Arthur struggled to hold him still. Arthur lay him down and cuddled next to him.

'What do you want me to do?'

'Just hold me' Merlin barely whispered.

They both lay there, in each others embrace for hours. When Merlin stopped crying, Arthur spoke.

'He's gone. After I punched him, I threatened him with prison and courts, he packed and left. Your Mother was asleep when I left her; which was about two hours ago. I carried you home and brought some of your clothes. Morgana and Gwen are downstairs, we phoned the school and informed them that we had all gotten food poisoning when we didn't cook the for right, and we said we will probably be off Tuesday as well. I told them everything, except about "us". Merlin, I'm sorry'

'No, I'm sorry. I was way over the line in that argument'

At that moment there was a knock at the door. Gwen has the worst timing.

'We've made some brownies if your up to it'

Merlin smiled.

'Id love that Gwen'

Merlin turned to Arthur and mouthed that they'd talk later.

...

Merlin was downstairs, pushing a brownie around the plate, chatting normally. He was trying to avert the fact that he wasn't eating. But he wasn't fooling Arthur.

Arthur eyed him narrowly, and Morgana had this confused look on her face; like she was trying to figure something out. Merlin knew that Gwen knew about his and Arthur's _relationship _to some extent, but she hadn't been updated in a while. Arthur must have told Morgana something, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Arthur was trying to catch Merlin's eye, but Merlin looked everywhere but at Arthur.

Merlin had to get out of here, he felt as though he was suffocating.

'I appreciate this guys, I really do, but I've got to get home, I need to sort out Mum'

'It's alright Merlin, didn't Arthur tell you? Your Mum's gone. She left with Odin' Morgana said slowly, not knowing what Merlin's reaction would be. He looked at Arthur, and he looked guilty He has been trying to protect him, and Merlin understood.

Merlin stood up slowly, thanked Gwen for the brownies in a neutral voice, and left calmly. He walked back to his house, locked the door behind him, and went up stairs. He walked into the bathroom, and got out the sharpest razor. He needed to feel something, he was empty.

He was just about the drag the razor over his wrist when Arthur burst through the bathroom door. Merlin froze and dropped the razor. They both watched as it bounced against the floor, then coming to a stop.

'I love you Merlin' Arthur said when tears started to cascade down his cheeks.

Then it hit Merlin, like a train. He was in love with Arthur. All his feelings came rushing back to Arthur, and now he felt over run with emotions. His stomach did back flips and couldn't stop himself when he ran into Arthur's arms, claiming his mouth for a desperate kiss. Arthur handled Merlin with care, but couldn't stop himself from tightening his hold, never wanting to let go. In between kisses, Merlin told Arthur how much he loved him, and how he had saved him from himself, and he never wanted to leave him.

Arthur answered his confessions with loving and slow kisses, and they both got into Merlin's bed, without letting go of each other. They didn't have sex. They simply held each other in their arms, content in the fact that they knew they were both safe, and loved.

...

Waking up, Merlin almost burst into tears of happiness, as he found himself still locked in Arthur's tight embrace. Merlin squeezed Arthur harder, not willing to let go. He was so happy. For the first time in years, he woke up not depressed. He'd done it. He'd beaten his depression, and he could not stop himself from pressing his lips against Arthur's.

Arthur woke up, and kissed Merlin with passion.

'Thank-you' Arthur whispered into his ear.

Merlin shook his head.

'No, thank you. You've saved me and I don't know where I'd be without you. I love you'

'I love you too'

...

* * *

This is the END, and thank you for all the reviews and what not. If you want me to write more, just put your ideas in the review box and I will try to write it xx

Thankyou, this is dedicated to all those who reviewed x


	13. Chapter 13

DISCLAIMER; I DO NOT OWN MERLIN

Okay, so I'm going to be writing more about Arthur's 'kind-of-coming-out-story'. More ideas are welcome! And Uther may be making an appearance... *dramatic music*

* * *

It wasn't until Wednesday that Arthur and Merlin went back to school. The spent the majority of Tuesday eating, and discussing what comes next. They both decided that they wouldn't bother making 'coming out' a big deal. Homosexuals are equal, straight people don't have to 'come out', so why should gays? They were just going to act like a couple.

Merlin phoned his mother. She said that she got her old job back, and was happy to send Merlin money every month, to pay for food, taxes and other expenses. She said she'd come back when she was recovered, and that she was sorry about Odin. What she didn't say was that she had broken up with him, but what else was Merlin to expect. His Mum had always had a soft spot for male company.

There was still so much food left, and plenty of alcohol. He get rid of that by having a load of parties.

Arthur went back to his house at about seven on Tuesday night. Merlin could barely let go of him, and Arthur couldn't stop kissing Merlin.

They had fallen for each other pretty hard.

...

The bus got to his house at the usual time, and Merlin sat in his usual seat. What wasn't usual was Arthur wrapping his arm around Merlin's shoulder, and kissing up and down his neck.

'Oh my god, are you two dating?' Gwaine asked so loud, that pretty much everybody turned around to look at them both.

'Yes, Gwaine, good observation' Arthur said sounding slightly bored and dismissive.

Then everybody clapped. Yes, it was kinda cringey, but everybody on the bus clapped. There was even some wolf-whistles and _'finally'_ 's. Merlin wrapped both his arms around Arthur's waist and rested his head on Arthur's shoulder. Arthur kissed Merlin's head.

Merlin looked around. Everybody (even Sophia and Vivian) had a dreamy look on their faces, as they looked at them both.

Then he caught Gwaines eye.

He looked borderline angry, or maybe even... Jealous? Merlin looked away and tried to figure out that look on Gwaines face. He looked back at Gwaine to find his expression painted with a neutral smile. Merlin must be over thinking this.

...

The rest of the week was filled with cute lunchtimes and boring Chemistry. Arthur couldn't keep his hands off him. Sometimes, they would even sneak away from the group, to cuddle at the side of the field, and Arthur would leave marks on his neck.

Arthur even hid all of Merlin's scarfs so he couldn't hid all the love bites that scattered his neck.

Everyone was happy for them. But Gwaine. Merlin couldn't understand it, so one night, he asked Arthur about it, whilst they were chilling on Arthur's bed.

'Why does Gwaine seem angry towards us?'

Arthur's natural smile faltered. Then he said all in one breath:

'W-well, I think he likes you therefore he is kinda jealous about me going out with you and that's why he keeps giving me the evils'

'Really?'

'Yeah, he told me he liked you the day after you kissed him'

Merlin sat up.

'How do you know I kissed him?'

'I may or may not have seen you' Arthur said in a small voice.

'Why didn't you say anything at the time?'

'I didn't want to upset you'

Merlin couldn't hold back a smile, as he sat Arthur up and kissed him longingly.

The door burst open and they both broke apart.

Uther was standing right there, his mouth actually a gape. Arthur straightened his tshirt a bit, then spoke as if nothing had just happened.

'Hi dad, when did you get back?'

Uther looked at Arthur then at Merlin.

'Oh, and this is Merlin, my _boyfriend_' Putting extra emphasis on _boy._

Uther mentally shook himself.

'Arthur, will you take your _boyfriend _home and come back as soon as possible. I need to speak with you in private' Then he closed to door and walked to his study.

Merlin and Arthur looked at each other in shock. He hadn't killed either of them, yet.

...

Merlin let himself back into his house, with Arthur close behind.

'Look, I best get back, see you tomorrow?'

'Yes _Arthur' _Merlin practically purred his name. He knew which buttons to press to make Arthur push him up against the wall, and shag the living daylights out of him. Merlin could barely contain his screams of pleasure when he came, and nor could Arthur.

It took all of Arthur's strength to leave Merlin standing there in the hallway, with that _'I've-just-been-shagged-and-look-adorable' _look on his face.

TBC!


	14. Chapter 14

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN MERLIN

* * *

When Arthur got home, he was greeted with Uther's face of grimace.

'What did you want to speak to me about?' Arthur spoke almost dismissively. They both crossed their arms almost at the same time. Morgana then walked in. She looked at them both and grabbed her coat, mumbling something about going to Gwen's.

Great. She was leaving Arthur to deal with angry father.

'Arthur, I appreciate you life decisions, but do not get involved to deeply with this boy. This is just a... _phase_' Uther spoke calmly. But you could just tell that the wrong choice of words would explode a bomb. But Arthur honestly couldn't give a damn.

'Its not a phase. I'm in love with him'

'Arthur-'

'I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I don't know what I'd do without him, he loves me and I love him, and I'd thought you'd me happy for me'

Uther dug his nails into the palm of his hands.

'Arthur. You are only sixteen years of age. You don' know the meaning of love!' And here comes the shouting.

'Since when does my age determine my emotions. You dated Igraine when she was fifteen and you got married when you were eighteen! Why is Merlin any different!'

'Don't you dare compare that _boy _to your mother!'

'Why the hell not? I love him, Father. I just want you to be happy for me'

Uther tried to contain his rapid and irregular breathing. Arthur tried to contain the urge to punch him in the face.

'Fine'

'What?'

'I said fine. But I do not want him in this house when I'm not home?! Do you hear me?'

'Yes father' Arthur knew this was the best he was going to get.

There was an awkward silence. Uther went to speak but Arthur beat him to it.

'Why are you back home? You aren't due to be back for another month yet'

'I got informed of this certain... _situation_'

'Who told you?' Arthur asked intrigued.

'A boy by the name of... erm, Gerald? Gavin? He phoned me about two days ago. Told me that your... infatuation for this boy was getting out of hand'

Arthur blinked slowly and gritted his teeth.

'Gwaine'

'Yes, that's the one'

'Right'

Another brief and awkward pause.

'Do you mind, I'm going for a run'

Uther nodded and walked away to his study. Arthur knew what would happen now. Uther would try his hardest to split them up. It wasn't going to happen though. They loved each other too much.

Arthur went straight to Gwaine's house. He knocked twice and Gwaine opened the door. Arthur grabbed Gwaine by his throat and backed him up against a wall. Gwaine struggled for air, and Arthur lessened his grip just enough to let Gwaine have shallow breaths.

'You mess with me and Merlin again, and there shall be dire consequences Don't even think about touching Merlin, in fact don't even speak or breath near him, or I swear to god by the time I've finished with you, you'll be eating through a tube' Arthur growled at him.

Arthur let go of him, and rushed out the house to Merlin's. He'd stay at Merlin's tonight. He had clothes and a toothbrush there, he practically lived there.

He found Merlin in the kitchen tidying up, he watched him for a while. He felt at home with him, finally at peace. Merlin turned around and jumped when he saw Arthur.

'My god Arthur! You scared me!'

'Gwaine told Uther about us'

'What? What did Uther say?'

'He was angry at first. He thinks it's a phase. But I think hes neither going to support our relationship, or condemn it out loud... so I think we got the best deal'

Merlin smiled out of pure happiness. Honestly, he was expecting Uther to come and shoot him.

'I may or may not have also threatened Gwaine'

Merlins answer was to raise his eyebrow. So Arthur explained.

'I told him if he so much as breathed on you, he would be eating through a tube'

'Arthur-'

'Sorry'

Merlin hugged him. So tight, Arthur could barely breath.

'Can I stay here tonight? I don't feel like going home'

'Won't Uther notice'

'No, I'd be surprised if he even came out of his study'

Then Merlin changed the subject completely.

'I want to take you' Merlin moaned into his ear. Arthur nearly came with those five words. All he could do was let Merlin lead him to his bed and slowly strip him of his clothes. This was different. It was always Arthur doing the fucking, never Merlin. Arthur was about to lose his virginity properly. He let Merlin prepare him carefully and was begging for it by the time Merlin thrust into him. Merlin whispered into his ear comforting words and Arthur let himself undo with pleasure. Merlin dominated the kiss, as Arthur was concentrating on not coming to early. Arthur fingers dug into Merlins back, leaving scratch marks even though he bit his nails. They only broke the kiss when they were both coming, Merlin stroking Arthur's length as warm seed smothered his stomach.

They both kissed leisurely afterwards, savoring the moment.

...

The weekend was uneventful. Arthur spent Saturday night at Merlins again, and when he went back home, Uther hadn't even noticed he was gone. Arthur was so wrapped up in shagging Merlin, he barely noticed that he hadn't eaten.

Monday was... eventful.

It was lunch time. Gwaine hadn't so much as looked at Merlin yet. Merlin hadn't eaten in about three days. Arthur had his arm slung around Merlin's shoulder, and everybody was sat on the bench/table. Merlin was sat on the end of the bench which also held Arthur, Gwen and Lancelot; and Gwaine, Morgana and Leon were sat on the other side. Everybody had their food on the table. Merlin had pasta, which he was pushing around with a fork.

Everybody was talking and laughing, generally having fun. That's when Merlins head starting banging. His vision went fuzzy and he couldn't hear anything. Everything slowed down. Merlin dropped the fork, and his hearing came back for a while, when he heard the loud 'bang' it made.

Everyone turned to look at him with confusion written all over their faces.

Arthur looked at Merlin. Merlin's face was pure white.

'Merlin? Are you ok?' Arthur asked, getting increasingly worried when Merlins didn't answer. He stared ahead, his eyes glazed over.

Merlins head fell backwards and his eyes went up into his head. His body would have hit the floor with some force if Arthur's arm hadn't been there for support.

Arthur lowered him to the ground, basically shouting for someone to fetch Gaius and screaming Merlins name. The others could only watch in horror as Merlins body started to shake violently, and Morgana ran off to get Gaius.

Arthur stripped off his hoody, and placed it under Merlin's head. Merlin's body was shaking so bad, he was moving across the floor. Gaius came rushing over and told everyone to go inside, and everyone did except for Arthur, who held Merlin's hand and spoke to him calmly.

Gaius was trained in nursing, and doubled up as the school doctor. He told Arthur that Merlin was having a seizure.

'Merlin's having a seizure, it could last for up to an hour, but I doubt its going to last that long. There's little we can do until he wakes up. Could you stay with him whilst I go and get some blankets and biscuits?'

Arthur nodded, unable to do much else.

When Gaius came back, Merlin was still shaking as bad as before, so they covered him with a blanket and made sure his head was always on the hoody.

...

The seizure lasted for around seven minutes. It felt like seventy minutes for Arthur though. Merlin's body stopped convulsing and he simply lay there, breathing finally evening out before he came to.

The first person he saw was Arthur, who had a worrying look on his face. Then someone helped him sit up. Gaius.

'Arthur, could you sit with your back to Merlin, so he can sit up?'

Gaius helped sit Merlin up, and Arthur sat with his back flat against Merlin's. Merlin couldn't help it, but his head lolled back against Arthur's shoulder. Gaius tested his blood sugar. It was 52mg/dL. That was low. Considering that 70mg/dL was thought to be low, this was very low. Gaius gave Merlin a biscuit, which he obediently nibbled on.

'Merlin, when was the last time you ate?'

Merlin's heart hammered. Arthur was here and he'd know, he'd be disappointed.

'Erm... uh-'

'Merlin, answer me truthfully please'

'Three days ago' Merlin said just loud enough for them both to hear.

'Merlin-' Arthur started, but Gaius cut him off.

'And why is that?'

'I guess I forgot' Merlin said, which was truthful. He had forgot to some extent. But he liked that familiar hungry feeling in his stomach. And his Mum leaving like that hurt more than Merlin liked to let on.

'Gaius, Merlin has had problems with eating in the past' Arthur told Gaius.

'Arthur!'

'Merlin-' Arthur held Merlins hand tightly and gave it a loving squeeze. 'I want to help you, I cant bare to see you like this. I want to to get some help; please, for me?'

'Ok Arthur' Merlin whispered.

...

Gaius had set Merlin up with a counselling session twice a week with Mr. Kilgharrah. Gaius took Merlin and Arthur to Merlin's house, in his car, and helped him inside. Arthur was instructed to make sure Merlin ate at least one thousand calories tonight, and he would contact him in the morning to sort out other medical arrangements.

When Gaius left, Arthur cooked Merlin a pizza with lots of toppings and later on a bowl of pasta smothered in fatty sauce.

They barely spoke, it was only when Merlin looked Arthur straight in the eye and told him he was 'sorry', did Arthur hug him, and actually cried.

'I'm such a bad boyfriend, I cant believe I didn't notice!'

'Pleas don't blame yourself, I'm going to get better, I promise, for you, I'll do it'

Merlin cupped Arthur's face and kissed him gently. They both fell asleep in each other's arms, and Merlin had never felt so safe than he did with his face tucked into Arthur's neck and collarbone.

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN MERLIN

**IN REPLY TO REVIEWS:** 1.) I know that some things aren't realistic but just go along with it, I'm writing this for leisure, have fun reading it as much as I do writing it! But I will try to make it more realistic from now on :)

2.) Gwaines pretty evil in this fic *mwah ha ha ha ha*

3.) Keep leaving your ideas, I love to incorporate into my work!

**:)**

* * *

Merlin woke up with Arthur curled around him in a protective manner. He was going to try for Arthur, the one who saved him; and keeps on saving him every day. It hurt to know that he had disappointed him, but not anymore, he really was going to give recovery a good go.

Arthur opened his eyes to find Merlin giving him a smile that had been created only for him. Arthur leaned down and kissed him lovingly on the corner of his mouth, then worked his way down his throat, making Merlin gasp out of pleasure. Merlin started to tug at Arthur's boxers, making them slip off with ease, and Arthur took off Merlins. They grinded against each other, pulling themselves to the climax, and stopping just before they came. Merlin pushed Arthur onto his back, and gave him love marks all over his neck. Merlin lowered himself onto Arthur's hard length, making them both gasp out in pleasure. Arthur thrust his hips upwards and hit _that _spot which made Merlins vision sway and little black dots swim in front of him.

Merlin rocked backwards and forwards, up and down to make them both climax at the same time, and Merlin slumped onto Arthur's chest, and Arthur's strong hands supported him.

Morning sex had always been Merlin's strong point.

...

At school all the girls were basically pampering Merlin, Arthur couldn't help but giggle every time he saw Merlin crowded by the girls as they all made sure every second of the day he felt alright. Arthur made sure he ate everything he had made him, and Merlin tried his best to eat every little crumb. He tested his blood sugar every three hours (he needed to for the first week) and recorded the results.

Then came his first counselling session with Mr. Kilgharrah. He was a old man, with a relatively long grey beard, and smoked on a pipe for the duration of the session.

'Hello, my name is Mr. Kilgharrah. I've set up a counselling course which will last around six weeks, may be longer depending on your progress'

Merlin nodded, unable to say much else.

He was going to be missing out on Science and Maths twice a week, but it didn't matter because he knew everything already.

'Right, first off, how are you feeling?'

Merlin was dumbstruck for a bit before saying:

'Fine thanks'

Mr. Kilgharrah scribbled down some notes.

'Answer me properly this time. How are you feeling?'

'I've told you, I feel fine'

'You don't look fine. You look as if the tiniest thing could push you over the edge'

Merlin paused and studied him closely. He doesn't know why, but at that moment, he decided he reminded him of a dragon. From now on, he will refer to him as Mr. Dragon.

'Well, to be honest, I feel angry and sad at my Mum leaving me, angry at Odin, guilty for disappointing Arthur, but at the same time I'am so overwhelmed with love for him it makes me hurt, disappointed at Gwaine for telling Uther about us, nervous about letting everyone down, and angry at myself for letting everybody into my messed up life, in the first place'

He wrote some more down. That was really getting on Merlin's nerves. Why does he have to document this conversation?!

'Why are you angry at _Odin?'_

'I don't think that matters. I thought I was here to help me start eating properly'

'I think it does if hes made you angry enough to mention him'

He wrote something else down.

'What are you writing?!' Merlin shouted, irritated.

Mr. Drag- no Mr. Kilgharrah looked at him intently, as if waiting for Merlin to say something else, and then he handed him to notebook, which read:

'_Reluctant to face problems, feelings uncontrollable, self harm? Odin may have abused him in some way or another. Mother neglected him through childhood. Trust problems'_

Merlin read the notes about five times before the actually sunk in. How can anybody be that good?

'I don't think these sessions are a good idea' Is all Merlin could say. Shell shocked would be an understatement.

'Oh I think they are, don't you?'

...

The next thing Merlin can honestly remember, is walking into lesson. He doesn't know how he got there, and he feels breathless, so he must have ran there.

Everybody's eyes were on him. They looked worried and confused at the same time. He starts to feel dizzy. No, not again. He needs to get to his seat so he can sit down and have a sugary biscuit. He mumbles his apologies to the teacher (Mrs. Druid just nods and carries on talking about something Merlin already knows) and concentrates on every step to get to his seat.

He sinks into his chair, and his vision starts to swim.

'Arthur!' Merlin says, and its barely a whisper but he can see him turn towards him and raise an eyebrow. Something must click in Arthur's mind, because hes getting up and striding towards Merlins seat and everybody's looking at him. Arthur's searching in his bag and saying _something _to Merlin and his vision his going bad. Hes holding onto the table for dear life, and Arthur finally finds the biscuit, but its too late, and darkness claims his eyesight.


	16. Chapter 16

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN MERLIN

* * *

Arthur watched as Merlin walked into the classroom. He looked ill, and looked like he'd just been running. The counselling session must have been bad. Merlins stumbling towards his seat and Arthur's watching him like a hawk. Merlin slumps into his chair and he whispers his name, he wouldn't have heard it if he hadn't been concentrating. He looks at Merlin. He's gonna at least pass out, and he doesn't even notice himself that hes almost running towards Merlin and searching through his bag. But its too late.

Merlin's eyes roll backwards and all Arthur can do is catch him and lower him to the ground as his body starts to shake and muscles tense up.

All Arthur can think about is how Merlins been eating all his food, and hes really been trying hard to do this. He _wants _to recover.

Arthur lies him on the ground carefully, and lets him shake. At some point Gaius comes and he is saying _something _to him and he cant respond, hes just so shocked and worried.

Merlin seizure lasts for nine minutes this time, and when he wakes up, he is so disorientated, he doesn't even remember coming into the classroom.

Then Merlin has a realization, it hits him like a train. Everything his counselor said. It had been tough to hear the truth all out in the open. Everyone in the classroom was staring at him.

'Arthur?' Merlin looked at the floor. Arthur grabbed his arms and helped him upwards.

'Yes?'

'I want to go home'

'Ok, we'll take you home'

...

When they were home, Gaius had called a GP from a bigger village from nearby to come and test him. Merlin sat on the sofa looking lifeless whilst Dr. Edwin looked him over and did various tests that Arthur had never even heard of.

'So, it seems you were right Gaius, it is low blood sugar that is the problem, and stress can help with it as well, so even though hes eaten, the stress burnt through it like a wildfire'

Gaius and Arthur nodded, and Gaius then went to see Dr. Edwin out.

Merlin sat on the sofa looking at a spot on the floor. He was in deep thought. Arthur didn't like him over thinking things, so he sat on the sofa next to him and swung his arm around his shoulders and kissed his neck in a feather light fashion.

'I must be a burden for you' Merlin barely whispered.

Arthur immediately froze and sat back a bit to study Merlin's face. He was being serious.

'How could you even think that? You know what, sometimes I think what would of happened if you weren't here, and I would have still been that miserable boy who didn't know what to do with his life. Merlin, look at me'

Merlins eyes slowly looked up to his.

'I love you, you could never be a burden to me'

Tears were brimming at Merlins eyes.

'I love you too, and you've helped me so much and I've barely given anything back in return'

'Shhh, yes you have' Arthur held him close now, and stroked his hair. 'You've given me something to live for'

...

After Gaius had left a couple of minutes after Dr. Edwin had, and Arthur and Merlin had cuddled on the sofa watching t.v for a couple of hours. Then Arthur got a text.

'Get home now'

It was from his father.

Merlin read it, and looked straight at Arthur.

'What does he want?'

'I don't know. He didn't think he'd notice I was gone, he hasn't so far'

Merlin kissed Arthur on the head before walking back home. None of the lights were on even though it was getting dark. When Arthur entered, Uther was sitting in a chair in a room with a single lamp on, reading the newspaper.

Arthur stood there for a minute, then Uther looked up, and slowly folded the newspaper up, and placed it o the table.

'You wanted me father' Arthur asked cautiously, but he tried to come across unfazed by Uther's text message.

'I thought I told you not to be alone with that _boy _in a house' Uther asked calmly.

'You said _"I do not want him in this house when I'm not home" _is what I seem to remember you saying'

Uther gritted his teeth and strained his jaw.

'Have you had... had intercourse with this _boy?_'

'Hes called Merlin-'

'Answer my question' Uther snapped, it almost made Arthur jump.

There was a deadly silence before Arthur answered.

'Yes'

Uthers jaw almost dropped, it just went a little a gape. The silence was deafening.

Arthur can't really remember much after that, there was a lot of shouting at hitting, but he honestly can't remember how he got locked up in his own room like a prisoner.

* * *

I'm so sorry this update took so long, in the middle of exams and stuff so you know how it is (**now I've broken up, updates will be weekly!:)**). Anyway I'm having a massive writers block and don't know where to go with this story, so somebody please!

_**Leave me ideas! x**_


	17. Chapter 17

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN MERLIN

**_thanks for the ideas/suggestions! keep them coming!_**

* * *

Merlin was phoning Arthur and he wasn't picking up. He should have been back by now, and Merlin was getting worried. Uther could have done anything. It wasn't like Arthur to not pick up his phone, or leave Merlin on his own for more than a couple of hours. He missed him already. He was going to go and get him.

He slipped on his jacket and shoes, and started to walk down to Arthurs house. Before he even knocked on the door he knew something was wrong; he could sense it. He knocked cautiously on the door three times. It was a couple of minutes before someone answered the door.

It was Uther.

He looked angry and kind of upset. Merlin shuffled from side to side and looked awkwardly at the ground, before saying something.

'Uh, erm, is Arthur in? Can I see him?'

Uther stared and said nothing just gestured for him to come inside and sit in the living room. Merlin sat down on the chair and Uther poured himself a whiskey. Uther kept eye contact with Merlin as he sat down.

'Mervin-'

'Merlin'

'Yes whatever, you need to break up with my son'

Wow, this guy really doesn't beat around the bush.

'I'm afraid that's not going to happen'

Uther looked a little taken aback from Merlins braveness. He'd never really had anyone not related to him stand up to him like that. He had too much respect.

'Oh? And why is that?' Uther asked a little sarcastically.

'Because I'm in love him and I don't know what I'd do without him'

'Well, you're going to have to figure out what you're going to do without him, because I'm sending him away'

Merlin froze.

'What?! No, he won't agree to that!'

'Well, he won't have much choice in the matter'

'You can't force him to go!'

'Oh I'm afraid I can, you see, he's already eaten his supper for tonight, and little does he know that it was laced with crushed sleeping pills; he won't be awake for at least a day yet'

'Where is he going?'

'Do you really think I'm stupid enough to tell you?'

Merlin couldn't breath let alone think. He couldn't leave him! Arthur was his life now, and Uther was splitting them up. Uther interrupted his train of thought.

'Don't you think it's for the best? After what Mr. Kilgharrah told me about you, surely you don't want to be a burden on my son? You don't want him to waste his life looking after you?'

'What? Counselling is meant to be private! He shouldn't have told you anything!'

'Yeah well he would if he wanted to keep his job, he works for me, like everybody else in this town'

Merlin didn't know what to do, he just wanted to see Arthur.

'Uther, I'm begging you, please don't do this, he is the only reason I get up in the morning. I know you probably don't believe when I say this, but I do love him. I know he is happy with me, and denying him of his sexuality won't do anything but make him miserable. Please, don't do it'

Uther looked emotionless, but there was a flash of empathy? No, Merlin must be imagining things. Merlin could feel water spread over his cheeks, and he couldn't even remember when he had started to cry.

Two big men walked into the room, they looked like security guards. Merlin would be an idiot to not know what was going to happen next. He might as well put up a fight.

Merlin got up and ran out the room, and up the stairs to Arthur's room. He could hear the heavy footsteps of the guards close behind him. He got outside his door and undid the latches as quickly as he could. He opened the door and slammed it behind him. He quickly dragged the draws in front of the door and a couple of other things to hold them out for as long as possible.

Merlin looked around the room and saw Arthur looking semi-conscious, half sitting up on his bed. He looked at the plate and he had only eaten a little bit of the food, thank god for that.

'Arthur, quickly, we need to climb out the window.

The banging on the door was getting louder, and Merlin moved to help Arthur up.

They both opened the window as wide as they could, but it was too late.

The draws had been knocked over and Uther stood at the door, his face was red and the body guards stood on either side of him.

It was too late.


	18. Chapter 18

I've said enough times I don't own Merlin, and quite frankly, I'm sick of it.

* * *

'Father please!' Arthur basically slurred.

'Son, you don't know what you're doing! You're too young to understand love-' Uther was talking strangely calmly.

'Like you and Igraine? Why should we be any different?'

'Arthur... I-I just don't want you to get hurt, that's what happens when you get too attached'

'No, father, stop-'

'Look, my wife... your mother died at a very early age, and if anything was to happen to... Merlin, I won't forgive myself for letting you two getting so attached to each other'

'Father-' Arthur was cut off as he slouched down onto the ground, the sleeping pills finally knocking him out. Merlin lowered him onto the ground, and began to sob.

'Arthur-' Uther began to lean down to check his son, but Merlin held him tighter, towards his chest.

'No, n-no... y-you don't get to help him now, don't act like the caring father now! After all, you are the one that drugged him for coming out to you! That is the bravest thing I've ever seen him do!'

'Look I didn't mean to hit him earlier and the sleeping pills, I admit was a step to far but I was caught up in anger-'

'What?!'

Uther stared at him not knowing what part of that sentence he was enraged at.

'Y-you _hit him_' Merlin said as a statement, rather than a question.

'It was one time-'

'You know something? Do you wanna know something about me? Fun _fact _about me!' Merlin started sarcastically. 'I was physically and emotionally abused growing up. And Arthur saved me. From that kind of life. He got rid of my abuser, and if there was one thing that I wanted for Arthur, it was to never be abused by anyone'

Merlin choked back a few sobs.

'I see that I have failed' Merlin finished.

Uther opened his mouth, but then closed it again, and gestured for the body guards to leave the room. He nodded silently at Merlin and left.

...

Merlin somehow lifted Arthur onto his bed and snuggled up next to him. He was exhausted, and fell asleep straight away.

...

Waking up, Arthur watched Merlin sleep whilst he recalled the event from the previous day.

_'YES?!'_

_'Yes, I have' Something in Arthur snapped and he couldn't take it anymore. _

_'And I loved it, its feels fantastic when I'm-'_

_'Arthur stop, I don't want details!'_

_'Really father?! I thought you'd like to know and the dirty little details of your sons gay sex life! I thought you'd like to know, how it feels when Merlin is moaning underneath me-'_

_'Arthur STOP!-'_

_'when I'm taking his big fat-'_

_Arthur's cut off by a strong punch in the face._

Merlin moves a little and rubs his nose against Arthur's collarbone. Arthur can't help but smile, Merlin looks up. Something must give it away in the face, because Merlins asks 'Whats wrong?'

_Arthur laughs._

_'Can't you take it that your son is gay?'_

_Uther stares disbelievingly at him for a long moment._

_'Get to your room' Uther said sternly._

_'No'_

_Arthur is then grabbed from behind by two big guys he's never seen before, and dragged upstairs whilst he curses his own father._

'I was remembering what happened last night'

Merlin nodded solemnly, then snuggled into Arthur's shoulder, as if trying to escape the memory. Then he sat up like he had just been shocked by electricity.

'Where is he now? And why are we still alive?'

Arthur sat up next to him.

'Well, what happened, like after I passed out?' Arthur asked.

'He tried to get you off me, and he told me he'd hit you. And then I kinda had a rant at him about physical and mental abuse in my life, and then he didn't know what to say so he just left the room'

There was a short and nice silence whilst they both came to terms with what had just happened.

'Come on, lets get something to eat' Arthur suggested.

They both got dressed into some comfy clothes and went downstairs. A letter was waiting for them both on the kitchen table. Merlin opened it and they read it together.

'_I have left to New York to give you both space. Feel free to let Merlin move in. I realize my mistakes and I know I went too far; I was completely absorbed by my rage and ended up doing and saying things I didn't mean at all._

_Hope you can come to forgive me and I won't be back home until Christmas. _

_Uther.'_

'Well...' Merlin started.

'That was...'

'Unexpected?' Merlin finished his sentence as Arthur struggled to find the right word.

'Yeah'

They both sat down and had some breakfast, and Morgana came bustling in.

'Where's Uther and what happened? Why the hell are you still alive?'

Merlin and Arthur looked at each other and smirked, then Arthur explained everything that had happened, and then handed Morgana the letter for her to read. After she read it, she smiled.

'He's actually given his blessing!' She almost screamed excitedly.

'Well, close enough' Merlin said and smiled at Arthur.

Finally, their lives were at peace.

...

Life went on as normal, Merlin stopped going to counselling and spoke to Arthur and Gaius instead, and this helped him a lot. He ate normally and only had a few more fits due to stress. Once his eating and seizures were under control, both Arthur and Gwaine were able to make friends again.

Merlin was proud of Arthur as he passed his GCSE's with flying colours.

Morgana and Leon were finally going out, after Leon finally got some courage to ask her out.

Life was great, and Merlin moved in with Arthur, selling the house and only getting money from his mother for food and clothes.

He had explained to his mum over the phone about what had happened since she left, and she cried, seemingly having an epiphany about how wrongly she had treated Merlin. She was seeing a doctor about her alcoholism, and had split up with Odin. She had also quit managing the strip club and was working for a local shop, it was less money, but also less risk was involved.

Merlin couldn't believe how much his life had changed in a few short months, and he still couldn't take for granted, waking up next to Arthur every morning. And he could barely function when Arthur came up behind him, hugged him and kissed his neck and said those three little words.

'I love you'

* * *

Fin. End. Whatever you want to call it :)


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